My therapist said at the time I started seeing her, it was actually a lot easier to improve (my) depression than it would be for my H to stop the blaming... I have to say a year later or so, that my depression is pretty much gone, and H is still very angry/blaming.
I think you did exactly the right thing about the visit to his mom. He can handle that if he wishes. Good for you! I think you are handling everything wonderfully, mature but loving. Don't ever let him make you feel guilty for that! Karen
Thanks for your encouragement Karen. I don't know if I am anyone to aspire to, though. I am still nowhere with reconciliation so I am not exactly revelling in my successes. I do believe that I am stronger now than when bomb hit and that it is right to continue to live as if he is never coming back.
As for visit to MIL. I AM very busy with work and also trying to write a book so really don't have time to take a vacation with kids to visit MIL. But also, I am thinking that H really needs to step up as a dad as well. If he wants to take them to see MIL then that's great. If he feels that he doesn't have time, that is HIS decision. Anyway, I think it got him thinking about the children's needs for once.
It's the first instance in a LONG LONG time. He has been concentrating on himself for SO LONG and I have been taking care of the kids' needs, he has been off the hook and now at long last I have stepped back and he has to step up. So I am hoping that this will take him out of his 'me, me , me' mentality. I am sure he thinks I am selfish for backing out of this visit. But I am thinking well, too bad, I am starting to think of myself now and not put everyone else first.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
