Wishing you and your family the best. What an amazing point you've gotten to in your forgiveness for him, and wise words and support for your mom. See, none of us go through pain for no reason. The wisdom and compassion you gained is there now for others that need it. ((()))
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
Dear friends from afar who have brought such joy and support through this past year..
My father died on Friday, May 15th at 11:35 pm at home under hospice care. We were able to be with him which was his desire and a blessing. It's amazing what he managed to accomplish in the past few years considering his health. He drew his last breaths in peace to the quiet sounds of his children nearby.
We're all sad but busy preparing for the funeral. You know how it is.. you go along fine, then you see something, hear something that strikes a chord and the tears flow. We never knew the level of pain he was in until death brought peace to his face.
Dad is greatly missed. Please keep him and my mom in your prayers.
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The wake was Monday, the funeral mass on Tuesday. Uncles I hadn't seen in years flew out as everyone scrambled at the short notice.
I'd spent the weekend combing through thousands of photos finding images of my dad from his youth to now. Pictures of my parents laughing and together occurred most often, his love of wacky shirts that he'd proudly pose for, the realization that family was everything to him. Those images filled a huge photo album, the most amazing when years ago he was creating five foot long bubbles to the wondrous delight of his grandchildren. At the last minute I made a collage of his life full of wit and whimsy.
My brother who has been by his side for years was with him as Dad went through the pros and cons of remaining on this earth. He was so weak he'd be bedridden the rest of his life (however long that would be), he knew my mom had always wanted to go first.. that she needed him so. He wanted me and my sister to know how deeply sorrowful he was for what he did in our youth. Even though he knew I'd forgiven him, he could never forgive himself for what he'd done.. that it was something that always troubled him throughout his life.
At the wake I was calm and composed until I was close to his body. His face though peaceful as he died was still wracked with the remnants of pain. In the casket he was once again the father I remembered, his color full, that particular smile he had. Something within me crumbled as sorrow flowed through. The weekend and days have been like that.. a gasping cry while setting the table that he is gone, really gone... the urge to follow his casket as he was rolled out to escort him to the hearse, to spend just a few more moments with him.. whispering in his ear minutes after death that he was truly forgiven, that I loved him and was so happy for the time I had with him, that I admired how he stayed until so many miracles happened that could have only occurred with him here.
My oldest brother gave a beautiful eulogy which explored my dad's life starting with one of the quips my dad would render.. That this should be like a mini skirt.. short enough to hold the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials.
It's wonderful to have my family here.. mourners comment on how much love flows from our family. We all agree that it's right to let the emotions flow, for the tears to come unfettered.
It is so sad. It is so wonderful to have my family and all they mean to me. I am so blessed and lucky.
My heart goes out to you and your family. I had tears in my eyes as I read your post. Family is what it is. Parents will make mistakes, some more damaging than others but in the end love is truly what matters.
I am so glad that you were able to forgive and bring peace to yourself. Your Dad knew that and I am sure that helped ease his guilt somewhat. He held onto it himself as a reminder of the harm he had done. You couldn't have changed that.
I believe we carry those things with us througout our lives to not repeat the same mistakes. Look at your own life and see if that isn't true. Make peace with yourself as you go. Forgiving others may be easy at times but forgiving yourself may be the hardest thing of all.
hugs and blessing. kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I have not posted to you prior to this, but I have always read your posts. My father passed away at the end of March. Six months after my divorce and a terrible year. My condolences and sympathy to you during this difficult time. My father was also in hospice and able to pass away at home.
