I think you are in a perfect position to go to a good marriage counselor and do it now! Or, do one of the workshops that people recommend here.
I'm reading Passionate Marriage and it is really great. But I'm on my own and my H doesn't really want to work on M.
You've admitted that your marriage sucked. You have an opportunity to make a new one.
And, yes, lying sucks and emotional affairs suck but human beings do go off the deep end sometimes. He doesn't seem to like his own behavior, that is a start. Some of the spouses on here defend and defend and feel entitled to do whatever they want.
You have to make a choice. Do you want to try to start over?
