Puppy, I've been "low desire" for over 10 years. I thought I was frigid but now I've got it back and want it with H. Of course, now we're separated but, reading Schnarch's "Passionate Marriage" is really shedding some light and it talks a lot about expectations. And it is a quagmire. H would allude to sex and it just felt like why bother if it is a foregone conclusion. The issue is really complex and multifaceted.
I have to agree that, at least for myself, I wanted hot, grown up sex with a man who felt individuated and self-assured and H was NOT that. So, even though I am disgusted by him leaving and behaving the way he is, he is a separate and self-soothing person who I don't feel is unloading on me every time we have sex.
I hope I'm making sense. I highly recommend the book which better articulates what I am trying to say.
