Thanks for your posts everyone; I guess i am just wanting to journal and vent........ Yesterday ended up being very upsetting; I find that every day at the moment has a new heartache, a new thing to deal with, a new incident of stress and strain. My H is completely dark, there is no texting, no emailing, no calling, no one on one conversation. I received a letter via email yesterday from my solicitor; it contained my H PROPOSALS for access arrangements over the next few days. He was proposing 2.40pm (our d school home time) until 8.30pm Friday, then either 4 hours sat and sund or all day sat or all day sund. I only received this letter Fri morn at about 10.30am and I had arranged for our D to see a friend after school. I wrote back declining the access on Fri but suggesting 10.30 am until 8pm on Sat. He did not respond and arrived at her school at 2.40 as I did. he became verbally abusive in the carpark and when I expressed my confusion at him being there he told me that I had no right to speak to him that way; that he could see his daughter when he liked and he was refusing me access. He then stormed off; I felt very threatened. He then took our D from school (he didnt tell me where or for how long). I let him take her because I didnt want her to be distressed and to see an altercation between us. He then informed me through our solicitors that he was taking her overnight (at his sisters house, he didnt specify which one) and would not be returning her until 3pm today (Sat). I was furious, and appalled. Ans apparently there is nothing that i can do to stop it legally. he has taken our daughter against my consent and agreement in front of me and there is nothing I can do to stop it? I have been told that until an access plan is in place we both have the same rights to our child. This is fair enough but surely it has to be with reciprocal agreement? He is so full of rage and anger against me, I feel that he is so far away from the person that I knew and that i was married to. four months ago i thought that I was working on a marriage. I am now looking at someone who wants nothing to do with me, hates the very sight of me, has no concern for my health and welfare, has begum a new life with another woman. Where do I go from here? I have woken up this morning with a huge hole in my heart. he is making sure that I get NOTHING from him personally, absolutely nothing. His family are cut off from me, no contact. If I was dying he wouldn't know and certainly would not care. Our neighbour, a top solicitor, spoke with me yesterday. He has an abrupt manner at the best of times but was extremely rude to me. Told me that I am what solicitors call a high maintenance client. He also said that I have made huge mistakes along the way and essentially the biggest one was that I shouldn't have married my H. It has been a non marriage anyway. That my H is telling me loud and clear that he has moved on by having a new GF. This really hurt me. He told me to get real with my sitch and to sell our house and to move on. The housing market is poor at the moment and I love my house. As far as I was concerned I was in a marriage, and i am indeed still married. It was real for me. Yes, we had strain and problems, alienation etc. But it was my commitment and for me it was and still is for life. i am so confused, my heart is like a gaping wound. I feel so abandoned and left behind, My H's OW, do they crash and burn? They are proceeding under difficult circumstances. How can he be fully present to being in a relationship with her; is he that over our marriage that he can do that? Truly? i guess i dont fully get it yet......... I miss the man that i thought was my husband; he is nowhere to be seen.I know people change but this dramatically. he truly hates me. he doesn't seem to hate himself at all; he seems to be delighted with himself that his new life is proceeding and that i have bee deleted from the equation. I am a person with feelings, with a heart. I hope you don't mind me rambling; I just feel so little hope....so much has happened over the last four months. So much deterioration. He has lied so much to me, especially about the OW. But as ABBA says so wisely, it seems that the winner takes it all, the loser is standing small. I believe now that it is only God that can change my husbands heart towards me. With the orders etc it seems to me that he not only will never come back but he now wants nothing to do with me. God has an awesome, impossible task in front of him. MLC or WAS? What do you all think? I x
Innishannon, first, you might as well get used to the fact that your H's family, no matter how close they were to you, will not have very much to do with you. I have been through it, seen it, that's just the way it is. Regardless if you are right or wrong, they will uphold him no matter what and make you out to be the bad one. You just have to move on without them, they will not change. You asked about the H and and the OW. Will they make it? Well, I have been called negative with all my statistical information, but people fail to point out when I mention that the spouse and the OP have a 3 in 100 chance of making it. Odds are very much in favor of them breaking up. Does that mean he will come back to you? Well I don't know him, but usually they get someone else. I have seen this more times than not, although there are the occassional ones who will come on back. Innishannon, I have seen many more MLCers who will move on rather than admit they have done wrong, it seems like a need for them to try to convince everyone they were right. Another stat for you to chew on. If your H does remarry, he has about a 4 in 10 chance of making it. 2nd marriages are running on about 40% and I would love to see the numbers of an MLCer making it on the long haul. My guess would be about 1 in 10.
