Lanzo, Good luck in trying to break the cycle you've described. Maybe you can play some role with accountability and being direct about it, in getting her to commit to addressing her issues. It will need to go beyond a policing role though, for the cycle to stop. She will need to commit to managing the compulsion to have an EA.
Do you have any sense of where her commitment level is with healing the M, and restraining herself from engaging in an EA/PA? You seem to be working much harder than she is.
If there is no commitment on her part to change, than there will be little you can do to break the cycle. I can't make my W quit smoking.
Think creating boundaries versus trying to control your W's misbehavior. If you're going to give ultimatums, you better be prepared to follow-thru. Think of DB as an Al-Anon group for the LBS to cope with the addictive personality of the WAS.
This is where personal choice comes into play. Where do you set the boundary for yourself, in terms of how much you invest into the M, how much contact you have with your W, or pursuing the ultimate boundaries of separation and D?
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
