This is the first chance I've had to get online. It's going to be hard. You need to be committed to trying your best every day. That means sometimes you won't leave the house and you will have backslides. But the next day you start fresh again and try to do better. No one is perfect. If you read my sitch at the beginning you'll see how I struggled.
You did a great job today! It's important to keep yourself healthy, that's why I wanted you to get some type of exercise. Keep up the cooking and eating healthy and try to get enough sleep. That last part was hardest for me and I ended up getting a prescription to help out.
I think the best thing you did today was make a plan and try to stick to it. Having things lined up and not having to wonder what to do is what helped me a lot. Fun activities are the best way to keep your mind and body occupied.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Its like Russian Roulette as far as my mood and Mental attitude.....I wake up and the next 15 min really determines my MA for the day. It does not help that I wake up exhausted. The first thought is always...."this is real. he is not coming back. he does not want me"........and then some days I think "Well, ok " and some days, I think "No No No No....I want him to be in my life"
So, yes definately some good and some bad days waiting to come. I keep thinking u did not speak to your xBF for 65 days......I just am not sure I have it in me!
I keep wondering if he is ok. He is not talking to anyone else and has isolated himself...it makes me worry.
Probably he is just putting in more hours at work......and how is this going to help him figure things out? This has been his technique for the past 4 months. I cannot make him think and sort out his and our issues. He could continue like this indefinately. Its insane!
I talked to my sister last night until 1 am and then fell asleep and actually did not dream about him! It was a nice change of pace.
She is really tired of her life. She is really stressed out trying to keep up with life. I thought, it is never easy for anyone. To look at her, she has a great high paying job, he is happily married and she has a gorgeous home in a great neighborhood. She has plenty of her own money and still.......she says she said to me yesterday that her quality of life is really low! She is unhappy. Where is the balance and how do you achieve it? It sounded a lot like my H....
I have to set goals for today.
1. I will plan and eat 3 meals today.
2. I will go out and buy some fruit and cereal.
3. I will not call H back for at least 3 hrs , if he calls
4. I will read one chapter for career
5. I will drink 5 glasses of water today
6. I will not drink any soda today
7. I will dress well today and style my hair.
8. I will return the videos today.
I painted my toes last night a yummy bright red color. It felt good. I watched half of Yes Man.....it was funny....not at all Jim Carrey like....much more toned down. I will finish that some time today. I can't think of what else to put on this list.
I guess this will be ok for today.
I hope you have a good day PearlHarbr. Thanks for writing last night. Let's see what today brings!
Just writing to say hello. I understand your concern for your H's well-being. I know I would be worried, too. I hope he makes contact soon just so you know he is OK. Sometimes people just need time to themselves to sort things out. PearlHarbr went 65 days with no contact, she showed tremendous strength. I think I would have gone insane.
Regarding your sister, it is interesting that so many people who appear on the outside to "have it all", are so unhappy for various reasons.
Here's hoping you have a good day today.
Me: 48 H: 47 M: 16 years Separated: 4/24/09 3 cats, no kids My Story
I think you're doing a great job of setting goals and keeping busy. Yes, it's super hard when there is no communication from H. I am in the same boat. It sounds like he's being a bit of a caveman. If you haven't read Men are from Mars (Gray) I'd encourage you to grab a copy. You can skip around and get a good sense for what may be going on in H's head, and more importantly, how as a female to best respond or avoid reaction.
Keep yourself busy, get those highlights, and feel good about yourself. Become the woman inside and out that H would be CRAZY to leave!
Having a difficult time getting myself out of the house....I just want to lie on the couch and do nothing.....I am staring at a tv screen and not even listening. Sigh.
H text msg me last night that he was going to be calling today. I have no idea what I want out of this conversation. (I called Friday night and left a message and texted him) I do have a couple of practical things to go over....but, all of a sudden I don't think I want to talk to him. I have nothing to say to him and he obviously has nothing to say to me....otherwise, he would have initiated conversation.
mnt_dreams, I will go and get men are from mars, women are for venus right now! That is exactly what I want to know.........what is he doing with this time away? What is he thinking? Is he just ignoring it all?
Sigh....this day is turning out to be more confusing and uncertain than I had anticipated. Its insane who I am turning out to be......I am a needy, clingy, can't live without her man type of a wife. Sigh. Really I am not. Really.
PearlHarbr, I did finish Yes Man this morning....I really enjoyed the beginning of it! I had some laughs! Thanks.
Hmm, why did you only enjoy the beginning of the movie? The message is in the end...only when he started saying yes to all life has to offer that he finds himself and opens up to all the possibilities.
Perhaps I'm different from most people, but I did not spend time worrying about BF being ok even though I knew he wasn't talking to anyone about what was going on between us. Probably it was the anger at his affair. Remember, he chose this course of action so he chose the resulting consequences.
You cannot fix this for him, period. Nothing you do or say will get through to him right now. I can't stress this enough. The best course of action is to steer clear and let him figure things out on his own. By inserting yourself into his problems you are a) being controlling, b) acting like a parent, not a partner and c) setting yourself up to be seen as the cause of the problem.
Something you said yesterday that I didn't address, that once you start working you won't have time to work on your marriage. Stop thinking about this in terms of working on your marriage. Your H doesn't want a M right now. You can't change his mind. You can work on yourself. And what a great opportunity you have of an uninterrupted couple weeks to do that! Most people would kill to have some time off to pursue their hobbies or self-indulgent activities. No, they wouldn't want it under these circumstances. But make the most of the time you have. Otherwise all of this pain and misery will have been for nothing.
No more pity parties! Is the wallowing helping you any? Do you feel better about your life after spending hours dwelling on the bad things? I didn't think so. It's time to take action. If you feel yourself slipping into a pool of self-pity then physically do something about it. Leave the house, go shopping, go get a cheap manicure, walk in the park with happy music on your headphones, go to a movie, go to lunch with a girlfriend. As Nike says, just do it!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
good for you for making yourself get out and change what you were doing right now. I know how hard it is when you feel so bad. I liked that last post made me think how to get more motivated and stop doing the same things when I feel down. Now I need to act on it this week!
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
Orchid, I hope by the time you read this you've had a happier day.
Again, sorry if I come across as harsh. I really want to help you through it and you sound sooo much like me. I know that I need someone to push me before I do anything so I'm trying to pass that on to you.
As I say to the others, I hit with 2x4s because I care!
Honestly, I wouldn't keep up with you if I didn't think you are a good, strong person who can get through this and not just survive but thrive.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Are you kidding me?!!!! No formalities at all. My feelings will not be hurt. You have been nothing but completely helpful. I feel like you know me and we have not even met! Believe it or Not, normally, I am pretty tough, its going to take me a bit to get back to that though.
But, I totally needed exactly what you said. You totally got me out of the house! YEAH!!! I loved that. I didn't do anything great, but I got myself out of the house and I wore some heels and my red fall Banana Republic jacket! It felt great! I drove around for a bit, returned my videos, did some grocery shopping, and went into barnes & noble. I bought "men are from mars women are from venus" and flipped thru some of the first chapters!
Some of it really helped. Thanks - mnt_dreams and pearlharbr for the suggestion!!
Pearlharbr, I think I did not really get into the end of Yes Man, bc right now, I am thinking why would I ever want to do this again....the M or even a R? If someone who is intelligent and loves me as much as he did, is willing to file for D without talking it over with me first or trying to come up with a solution.......what are the chances that this would not happen with another person? What is the point of being the only one in a R who is willing to try before giving up? H has not tried anything. I don't even know what this is really about! I am not saying that no one can have a R or a M after a D....I just think I would not want to again. I feel like its false security. I can see with time having a R, maybe, but definately no M. No Way. For me. To each their own, right?
One of my friends just called and she just had a blow out with her H and he won't talk to her! Is this happening in every household? I listened and told her to give him some space and to GAL and lay low for a couple of days. SO easy to tell someone else.......I am barely get thru 4 hours!
Anyways, then I was doing my belly dancing video and H called. You said not to pick up, so I didn't.
H Left a message.....He was just calling to check how I was doing. He will be working tonight and tomorrow will be moving again to a different work site. He just wanted to let me know.
He sounded terrible! Should I call back? What should I say? He sounded so exhausted.... Unfortunately, I still don't know what to say to him. In a way you are right, Pearlharbr, he has created this situation....I should not worry, but.....well...I am not doing a good job of that these last few days. Couldn't I just ask that he call me once every 10 days or something?
Its 7pm. I am going to read my suspence for the next couple of hours and then will blog again.
Sorry everyone...........my posts are so long all the time....I try to shorten them, but, well...it never works!
