day by day

[LL44]

Hello all.

Its been a crazy couple of weeks. Will try to catch you up.

I have been dating someone. We are taking it slow. He's great. I told xH about him per our agreement (to notify the other if someone new is around the girls), and the next day, xH lost it with me. Basically called me a whore, and a bad judge of people, refused to watch the girls all week while I worked and sent me "F you" texts on and off. He is a super big mess and I am wading through the muck as best I can. I found a sitter for the girls, told him he isn't welcome at the house if he can't respect me.

He is taking them for their first overnight tonight and tomorrow. The girls were nervous but excited. I am happy he still wants to see them, but yesterday D4 said "Mommy, Daddy says if you talk bad about him, he'll put you in jail.". Yup. And that's the tip of the iceberg I am sure. I am in shock that he has flipped overnight. I am notifying an attorney in case he tries for something crazy like full custody, and seeking a play therapist for the girls.

Here's the deal, I was ready for a change with xH. I didn't want him at the house as much, wanted him to have a place of his own to have the girls to himself. But for him to do this 24 hours after the news that I was dating someone? He hasn't healed or changed at all. He has misguided anger and needs help. He won't get it. I will continue on the high road.

Enough about that.

I got a promotion at work and a day job. Its going to be a great job, and I will love it, once I figure out how to smuggle my girls into my new office for a few weeks until I can figure out where they can go while I work. They would love it. My boss? Not so much.

All in all, the girls are so wonderful. They are excited for the summer, are ready for the change and some fun. Me too!

[kat727]

Too bad that your ex didn't realize that at some point the shoe was going to be on the other foot. You are such a wonderful person and he is such a fool to not realize that you would be scooped up.

I am glad that you are out there trying. Have fun.

Hugs, kat

[girlfromipanema]

lwb,

I'm so happy you're doing so well. Of course, it'd be great to hear your ex-husband was behaving better, but I'm hopeful that he'll chill out soon and realize he's got issues that he needs to deal with.

Congrats on the new job/promotion!!

[RustyShackleford]

I've been around a lot in the past under a different name, so I know a lot about your situation. Don't let the new name fool ya.

Anyway... I'm no expert, never having gone (completely) through a divorce, but it sounds to me like he's .... uh ... jealous. Call me crazy, but it appears to me as if he's jealous of two things: First, he's jealous (perhaps envious) of this new guy in your life. And he's also jealous of YOU. He only wishes that he were as detached from you as you are from him.

He's carrying a torch, IMO. And he's knows he's gonna get burned. It's why he's reacting as he is.

I am not a professional. This is just my opinion...

[SallyM]

lwb, you already know my feelings on your fool of an ex, but I have to say again, good job, woman. you are doing great. stay strong!!!!

You cannot expect growth from someone who refuses to grow. time doesn't mean growth, it takes effort, too. you have grown because you have put that effort in. your ex, not so much. just hoping and praying it doesn't get worse and that he wakes up out of that fog at the very least. you guys have always done so wonderfully as far as the girls are concerned. my heart breaks for what he is putting them (and you) thru. but you, true to form, are their rock and they will thrive because of it.

as for the girls, why don't you live closer so I could watch them for you. would make it so easy, wouldn't it?

(oh, and I would like a magarita. pretty please? mmmm...on the rocks, with salt.....mmmmmm....)

[karen43]

Congrats on the promotion!!! And the new guy! You've always taken the high road and deserve all the best!

I agree; I think he's jealous. I do think he maybe thought you would just sit on a shelf or something in case he ever wanted to R with you. It's obviously ridiculous for him to get upset over you dating after divorce!!! Karen

[NoCodeBlues]

Hello, Lwb,

Of course your H is jealous -- why wouldn't he be?!?

You are wonderful, vibrant person, full of life, and it was only a matter of time before others began to notice. We knew this day would come. We all told you that you would do well, that the tables would turn. And they have.

Unfortunately for your xH, he made seriously flawed decisions and let go of probably the best thing that's ever happened to him. Not only that he made all of the idiotic moves a WAS can make to burn the bridges behind him. Given his poor judgment in this his own future was not so assured. And now the chickens have come home to roost.

Speaking for myself, part of me is pleased when justice is served on a WAS. But the other part of me is still a bit sad for him. On several levels. It wouldn't bother me quite so much if it weren't for the fact that the two of you had seemed to be really trying to make this co-parenting arrangement work, and even with some good will between you. Now he is reacting poorly to your moving onward, and allowing this to jeopardize the situation for the kids.

Yes, it's sour grapes and jealousy. But I think that is only part of it.

You see, I can partially relate to some of what may be eating at your xH. No, not the adultery, and unfaithful B.S. he subjected you to -- no way. I mean the fact that he, as a father, has to face the prospect of another man coming into the lives of his children. That is what drives an icy dagger into my own heart. If your ex has any degree of attachment to your DD's, as I am sure he does, it cannot but feel the sting of thinking that his little girls might have another father-figure crowding into their lives.

If so, I do understand and sympathize with such sentiments, although I cannot condone any of his poor reactions whatever the cause.

And lest any of our comrades here continue to cast stones in his direction, I would suggest they put the shoe on the other foot. How would they feel, be they mother or father, if their ex were to do the same, to bring in another person to act as a parent to your children? I am not saying that that is indeed what Lwb is actually doing, I am just painting a picture of what might be going on in her exH's mind.

Lwb, babe, your xH has been a fool -- we all know that. I am so proud of you for always taking the High Road; you comport yourself with dignity and grace. I count myself lucky to have known you. And I am very, very pleased to hear how well you are healing and carrying onward in your life. You deserve all the joy you can muster.

All the same, please, just keep in mind that even your xH deserves some compassion (I know you know this already), idiot though he may be. (And I will pray that he refrains from making compassion for him next to impossible.)

(((((Hugs))))) and blessings, always.

(There, now let my own xW still try to make the case I have no empathy or sympathy for others! )

[Yoyowife]

LWB,
So good to hear from you!!! First of all congrats on the new beau and the promotion. You go girl! I knew good things would come your way. It was time for some good karma to come your way and the day finally arrived.

As for exH, you know what they say, karma has a way of biting you in the arse! I knew the man was not over you! Too bad for him, he had every chance in the world to see what he was losing...

Now, the for the big question? What's the new guy like? Inquiring minds want to know!

[fightingirish]

lwb,

WOOOHOOO!! Im so happy for you!! But I knew it wouldn't take you long. Your a hottie, and such a wonderful person that anyone would be attracted to you! I agree with taking it slow, there is absoultely nothing wrong with that.

As for XH... like yoyo I believe in karma, and yes what comes around goes around, but I also agree with NC~ im sure he is floudering on this one. But I don't agree with him treating you with disrespect, he needs to start growing up and realizing you are a free woman and able to date whomever you want. Boy that green eyed monster is out and about!

Yes, please let us know what he is like??????

so so happy for you, you deserve every happiness!

[RustyShackleford]

In typical fashion, NoCode has the wisdom of Solomon. Earned, no doubt, in the school of hard knocks. Whatever. But his analysis is spot-on. Well put, NC.

The bottom line is that his reaction was driven by his insecurity. He feels (or felt) insecure has a husband, and now he is feeling insecure has a father. "Who is this guy, and what if the girls like him better than me?"

I am wondering how typical this behavior is... How "normal" is it for the WAS to come unglued when the LBS moves on? Hmmm....