k, Your C is spot on. He is acting out and you will need to find a way to separate the behavior from the man you once knew. The behavior sucks and yes, you are dealing with a teenager mentality and emotionally charged man right now. You are definitely the authority figure in his life (motherly) and he's trying like heck to break away from "mom" and become independent and free.
As for the comments about fighting...heard that one myself...he's projecting on to you what he sees happening within himself and his past (parents). I wouldn't take anything he says to heart right now because his view of the world is so warped and totally different from reality. You know what your marriage and relationship were like, so wrap those memories around your heart to protect it and just listen and let it go.
They all bounced around in the stages and what your h is doing is very typical, anger, replay and depression. There will come a time when he will begin to distance himself from you....that's typical.
I know that you feel discouraged and rejected, but you will need to dig deeper and find your inner strength to carry you through his crisis if you are going to continue to stand. You've done well in being a friend, but you have to keep your expectations at zero or you will have your feelings hurt over and over again. Treat him just as you would a cousin or the mailman for now. Love him from afar and give him plenty of space and time to work through his crisis.
It's time to focus on you and your children. It's time to think about what you want to do while he's circling earth. Leave the door ajar and continue moving foward.
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
