PM, I think you are a great example. I want to be just like you!
My H has the "blaming" thing too. My therapist said at the time I started seeing her, it was actually a lot easier to improve (my) depression than it would be for my H to stop the blaming. She was saying in her opinion that's one of the toughest things to work on. I have to say a year later or so, that my depression is pretty much gone, and H is still very angry/blaming.
I agree your H is in a fog now. I don't know that means he always will be that way, or that he couldn't work on his issues. But yeah,you have to realize you have a problem and then work on it, and it sounds like he's not there. I think you are wise to just go on living your life as if he will be in the fog long-term, but I don't think that means that he will never be able & willing to R with you. You make this fantastic happy life for you and your family, and he may or may not join you later, but his loss if he doesn't.
I think you did exactly the right thing about the visit to his mom. He can handle that if he wishes. Good for you! I think you are handling everything wonderfully, mature but loving. Don't ever let him make you feel guilty for that! Karen
