Its like Russian Roulette as far as my mood and Mental attitude.....I wake up and the next 15 min really determines my MA for the day. It does not help that I wake up exhausted. The first thought is always...."this is real. he is not coming back. he does not want me"........and then some days I think "Well, ok " and some days, I think "No No No No....I want him to be in my life"
So, yes definately some good and some bad days waiting to come. I keep thinking u did not speak to your xBF for 65 days......I just am not sure I have it in me!
I keep wondering if he is ok. He is not talking to anyone else and has isolated himself...it makes me worry.
Probably he is just putting in more hours at work......and how is this going to help him figure things out? This has been his technique for the past 4 months. I cannot make him think and sort out his and our issues. He could continue like this indefinately. Its insane!
I talked to my sister last night until 1 am and then fell asleep and actually did not dream about him! It was a nice change of pace.
She is really tired of her life. She is really stressed out trying to keep up with life. I thought, it is never easy for anyone. To look at her, she has a great high paying job, he is happily married and she has a gorgeous home in a great neighborhood. She has plenty of her own money and still.......she says she said to me yesterday that her quality of life is really low! She is unhappy. Where is the balance and how do you achieve it? It sounded a lot like my H....
I have to set goals for today.
1. I will plan and eat 3 meals today.
2. I will go out and buy some fruit and cereal.
3. I will not call H back for at least 3 hrs , if he calls
4. I will read one chapter for career
5. I will drink 5 glasses of water today
6. I will not drink any soda today
7. I will dress well today and style my hair.
8. I will return the videos today.
I painted my toes last night a yummy bright red color. It felt good. I watched half of Yes Man.....it was funny....not at all Jim Carrey like....much more toned down. I will finish that some time today. I can't think of what else to put on this list.
I guess this will be ok for today.
I hope you have a good day PearlHarbr. Thanks for writing last night. Let's see what today brings!
