Hi ya, milquetoast sissy! Wow, been trying to read all this stuff and it would wear anybody out. Goes to show you how many people care about you and "that is a good thing" (as Martha Stewart would say).

I know this may be a total shock, but I don't think I'll say a lot.....lol. Oh, who am I kidding? Well, anyway, when reading what was being said back and forth between you and W, was it my imagination or did she seem to start backing away when you sent her the letter and ended it with implying expectations of having great sex that night? Can't remember exactly how you worded it. Anyway, the very first thing that stood out to me was when I read about the renewing of the wedding vows. I was thinking....."oh no, this is not going to work" and then I saw the part about what you had planned for her when she got home that night.

I don't even know how to explain this so probably shouldn't have started it, but since I have.......Puppy, she reminded me so much of myself. I don't know why, but every time my H would make a statement like you did to your wife regarding looking forward to having sex that night, etc., it would just do something negative to me. I always felt guilty and always felt frigid b/c I just could not seem to make my body and mind do and be what I wanted it to do and what I knew my H wanted. I would beat myself up b/c I felt like a failure each time. I usually would either "freeze up" in bed or I would find some excuse to not go to bed or else just refuse him. It made both of us feel terrible. But, I took the blame.

I have to say that everything Old Timer has said really hit home with me and especially the part of the "role model". I never felt like I could loosen up and enjoy sex like I wanted to or like my H wanted b/c of this "thing" I had of not getting down and dirty (so to speak). As I told you once before, that was the thing I had with OM, even though we never met in person to make it a PA......I could be that person that I would never have been in "real life". It was a fantasy. But, why could I not be that way with my H? I don't know.

So, I suppose I said all that to go along with those that have already said....for her--any words of an expectation (like renewing wedding vows or expecting sex that night) is a "killer". She freezes up! I think the wedding vows is a huge pressure souce for her. And....maybe she likes the unplanned sex.... \:\)

That last letter she wrote to you? I thought she stole it from me! It was almost word for word what I have said before. Although, thank God, I don't have that feeling now, I do understand what she is talking about. But, Puppy......it sure sounds like MLC, doesn't it? Although, this has been going on for a long time, and bless your heart.....I don't know how you have stood up under it except for the love you have for her. It is amazing.

I know that I've not said anything to be of help, but I consider you my friend and I guess I just wanted to say "something". Her words and some of her actions sounded very familiar to me. I know it was nothing new for you. We AWAW's are the pits, aren't we? My H used to be a "nice guy" also, but I ruined that. I will have to say that in spite of all I put him through and what I went through myself......things are better. I thought for a long time that we might just exsist under the same roof, but we became friends and that was a good start for us. He is such a patient man and it's a good thing b/c I could not have dealt with any pressure whatsoever.

You have been very patient, Pup, but I am wondering if the decision not to D and then having great sex after such a "dry" period, did not set those "expectations" rolling in your mind. Then she kind of freaked out. Then there we go again, right?

Okay, I'm not really saying anything new here, so I'll close for now. Just wanted you to know that I care a lot about your life and happiness. You and W are in my prayers.

Sandi


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!