Hey sweetie, yes I am reading tonight. I tell ya, you have a lot more patient than I could have with that man of yours! In the first place, if a formal event is not the environment that "you think it is" then why doesn't he allow you to be there to see for yourself and set your mind at ease once and for all? I don't believe him for a minute! Any man that is taking dance lessons and is on the up and up, would want to "show off" for his wife to see what he has accomplished......right? I just could not put up with it......but that is me, not you. You have to decide how much you can endure. It is all too fishy!
About the drinking. I would feel just as you do about it. However, here's the thing......you cannot be his mother! That is how men look at us when we start talking to them like you were talking to your H. In fact, you even sounded like his mother to me! So, it will make him worse, actually, for you to bring it up. He is guilty and he resents you pointing out his faults and especially when he got a DUI. He is a grown man who knows when he is screwing up! If he is stupid enough to do it, what can you do? Nagging him or acting hurt or threatening him will do no good whatsoever. I know......it is very hard to keep our mouths shut. You asked if keeping your mouth shut about his drinking would be an enabler? NO! It is treating him like he is responsible for his own stupid actions.
I suspect something with the OW happened that made him decide to drink, but maybe he needs no "excuse". Maybe he was celebrating his formal evening! Who knows? At any rate, it is wrong but you can't change it. You just have to decide if you will live in it or not.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
