I talked to my H on the phone Friday afternoon and then went out to dinner with him Friday night. A lot more was going on with our friend than I knew. Her H is really being hateful and mean and is telling inappropriate things to their two teenage daughters. It came to a head on Mother's Day. Anyway I want go into all the details (he basically shared everything that's been happening)- he told her and she agreed that he is right where he didn't want to be - caught in the middle of the two of them and that she really needs to go get counseling. He told her he just needs to focus on our marriage right now. If she needs help with something of course we'll be there for her but he can't get caught up in the drama anymore. She agreed she told him that he needs to do that.
She and I did not go out tonight. I called to check on her - (the big house they just built a couple of yrs ago) went on the market today. She was exhausted because their family (H and 2Ds)had a several hour long "family talk" which basically was them ganging up on her. She still wants to save her marriage. I didn't confront her about anything because I truly believe now she just needed help. She told me she was praying for us. After all he's done to her she really wants her H back. When she's ready to talk more I plan on telling her about DB. She told me she has appts this week with both her pastor and a counselor.
My H and I talked for three hours Friday night. He told me that he does not want to be divorced. He actually said I guess I'm having a MLC because my life is 2/3 through and I just don't want to be unhappy for the last 1/3 of my life. We talked about what we both wanted our marriage to be in the future. His fear is that we fall into our old pattern of connecting physically and then falling back into the same old pattern with each other. I told him, I can't have that anymore either. I told him I know that there's no quick fix and it might take quite a bit of counseling but I'm committed to it. I felt the most connected to him that I've been in a long time.
Just a note - earlier in the week I'd mentioned to him that I was planning on visiting my brother's family with my friend C next month. He told me Friday night that that really bothered him. He said he knows he has no right to say anything but he thought the timing was bad when we are supposed to be working on our marriage. The best thing I ever did was just get on with living and go be with friends the past week or so. I really think it made an impression on him!
I know we have a long way to go. However, I feel that we're both on the same page now as far as committing to working on our marriage.
