It's MY life now!!!........

[Silent Chrleader]

Hi, ((breton)) and everyone out there in DB land....

Everyone here knows (and poor sandycay can really atest to the fact!) that I am a very emotionally motivated person. I am coming to understand after more than a year of therapy, that that is just my nature, but what I need to do is cultivate skills that protect that vulnerable person inside of me.

The key I think is boundaries (no surprise I know!), but what does that really mean to me? Well....

1. I can say "No" and not have to explain why.
2. I can not put myself in a position to make emotional decisions/reactions......such as e-mail instead of phone or face to face.
3. I need to live by myself for a while.
4. I will use a lawyer if/when it comes to the D process. H is very much against that (because neither of us wants to "shaft" the other so why should the lawyers get the money) and I have gone gone along with that ......BUT, H's idea of "amicable" or "fair" is different from mine. He has proven he is not above hiding the truth and/or outright lying, so he can't be trusted, and the fact that I am "emotional" doesn't makes it not a smart choice for me to try to "handle things ourselves". That is a recipe for major pain for me, and for that reason alone, I can't do it. H will hate that I know, and that decision likely means that eventually things will get very ugly, which saddens me a LOT!!.......but that's what I have to do for my own mental health.....

....Shows some shame.....

Hmmmm.....maybe.....but I think that would probably be wishful thinking. H simply does not want his "new perfect life" to be tainted with his "dark painful past life" that was just huge mistake from start to finish.......and/o he can't let her know what he's really like.

He has no honor, no integrity, no compassion, no care......why should he have shame? He tries to salve his conscience (and show the people in his "new life" how wonderful he is???) by going through the motions (i.e. the card and flowers he brought to the wedding....). Perhaps this is some of my newfound "cynical" side coming out, but that is what I think now. I have lots of cards and memories of other ways he showed he cared that he has said mean nothing now.......

And actions speak louder than words. The fact that he may have got me a Mothers Day card (I still haven't received it though he says he re-sent it), means nothing really when compared to the fact that he is taking her every weekend up to the dream house we had built together and centered our life on for the past 5 years. He sleeps with her and makes love with her in our bed, while my things sit on my nightstand beside that bed.

That is not a man with "shame" I think.....