Where is the man who was going to be the game master? What you were doing before didn't work. Second guessing yourself now isn't working. I honestly believe that until you step back and get a grip on the fact that you can have a life without your wife you will continue this questioning everything you do attitude. When did you ever live life according to the advice of people on a bulletin board? I can see asking for some tips and tricks, but you are putting your life on hold waiting for someone to tell you what to do. Scared that if you do the wrong thing she will leave. She's already left the relationship. Get that. You can't change a thing she is doing or feeling. Heck even a lot of the feelings WASs have are errational and based on things they have built up to justify their actions so you can't trust that. Be true to yourself. Love yourself. Become a you that you are proud of. The general consensus on this forum is that every one of us became someone we didn't like. Life got in the way and we weren't as loving, as caring, as whatever. Point is we lost who we were and our spouses chose instead to look outside the marriage to find what was missing instead of clueing us in and letting us know what was wrong so that we could work on it together. Now is the time to work on you. Become the you that is important to you. Not the one that your wife wants or says she wants. Because after a while the resentment will set in and you will hate who you are or it will be too difficult to keep up the facade. Love is a choice. Believe this. Choose to love you.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
