Again...I ask, have you contacted Resources for Living yet? They are there for you, and will listen to what you are going through, and will try to help you come up with solutions that will help you emotionally.
As far as how long does it take to stop hurting, to stop being angry, to stop thinking of and loving him? Some will say months...I say count it in years.
You have a very long journey of healing ahead of you. It will not happen over night..it will not happen this year..it will happen slowly over the course of several years. Some things will fall into place faster than others. But if you're looking to stop feeling love for him so you don't hurt anymore in a short amt. of time...forget it! As someone said...true love and even codependent love doesn't just die overnight.
So quit whining about how come you can't just bury these feelings that you have. You will have them for a very long time. What you CAN work on is getting control over them instead of them having control over you. Are you willing to do this, or do you want to continue on the way that you have? It's your choice whether you want to live your life like this, or actually grow from this experience.
My xh 'changed' over 10 years ago. Got the bomb 10 years ago. He moved out in 04, filed in early 05, and the divorce was in late 06..two months shy of our 30th anniversary. Do you honestly think that I still don't hurt, or feel angry or feel lonely or miss his voice, touch, etc. That I don't miss sharing with him what we shared for over 30 years????????
It is only now...after so many years...that he's willing to reconnect to our two sons..and even at that, I think the boys are putting more effort forward than h does. It is still about HIM, and the things he wants from life. He's had/has other women, he's spent big bugs on things he's always wanted, he runs around with a younger crowd, he's gone backwards instead of forward in maturity. I lost my marriage, my home, my intact family. But I've also gained some insight into myself and the strength and faith I have. I've learned that I am someone that deserves respect when I earn it, that I have worth, that I have something to offer and always did.
I haven't spoken to my xh in 3 years..but I still feel a bond with him. We live in the same little town, and yes there was, is and always will be talk as long as he lives the way he does. I do not join in on this talk, I do not badmouth him to anyone, but I also know that in the beginning he said very negative things about me/marriage. Whatever.
You have to get to this point. You have to try to remember that this is YOUR life. You have to gain strength and move on. And if you don't, you'll be here forever posting and throwing a pity party for yourself.
And none of us here want to see that happen to you..because we know you can do better than that...and deep down, I think you know it too.
Now, get on that phone and call Resources. Do it for you, do it for your family, and do it for your future.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
