Thinker, I have actually thought of that possibility happening in the minds of WAW's when the h would be making such a huge 180 in appearances and GAL. I don't think I've ever mentioned it on board b/c I did not want any of the LBH's to run from doing what the DB book advised......and which I support (I might add). I believe it is due to her confused state of mind she has been in for this length of time, the OM's influence on the subject, and the strain of your MR. I do not believe for a second that you said or acted in any way to justify her questions about your sexuality! It was very low and mean of the OM to even make any suggestive statement.
Let me try to clearify my opening statement. It is the complete turn-around that scares the spouse. You thought you were doing all the right things to GAL, look your very best.......and instead of hanging out in the wrong places with the wrong people.....you chose to hang out with your male friends. That is what you SHOULD DO! If you were to hang out with a female friend......that is not good.....so.....
I'm sure you feel like the world has been pulled out from under you with all this new revealation! I hope you can mark it down to her state of mind and think of her lack of logically thinking in everything else that has come up.
As far as the lack of passion, I think maybe that was why she made the move toward you for sex that last time. As I said before, it was probably a "test"......however, I never thought it was that kind of test! I think she was probably testing her own "passion" or lack of it. (Remember, in her mind....she has felt that the M was dead for a long time.) I think I understand the term of mechanical but it seems to me if there is an orgasm, there would be some feelings of passion. I wonder if it is not "romantic" feelings she is thinking about. Maybe things are too routine in the bedroom. I don't know........just seems that you would have to be turned on to reach that climax and maybe some can do that without passion. Maybe I've dreamed about it for so long I don't even know what "passion" is any longer.
It was hitting below the belt for her to turn to the OM. Please don't think I am taking up for what she did b/c I certainly am not........I am trying to understand her. Maybe......if OM had not been contacting her and then she did feel panic over all of this that she was sincere in wanting to know his opinion of what you were doing. Not that it was the right choice for her to do by any means......I'm just saying that who knows what her real intenions may have been. She may have been thinking of him as a "male friend". It was wrong for her to do that. There is always a great chance that is was her "excuse" to contact OM, as well......and she happen to get caught!
I'm not being very helpful and I'm sorry b/c I really wished I could say something to help your feelings right now. If the two of you go on the family vacation, you will have your work cut out for you b/c I think things will be very strained between you. I hope that SHE will get her act together and see how stupid she has been and what a terrible mistake she made by trying to contact the OM. BTW, did you ever tell her that everything you did was you trying to deal with the plate she had handed you? Not that she would understand that, and you don't want to explain how DBing works.......not if you ever want to use the principles again b/c it won't work if she knows the game plan.
So sorry this has all backfired in your face. I'm not sure what to make of all of it, or if she is telling the truth or finding a way out of the trap she was caught in. Sure hope you can rest and not continue to stay upset b/c you know who you are and it was her silly assumptions. As I said, it takes a WAW a long time for her brain to start thinking correctely again.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
