"She said that she was still trying to find time to go to a therapist to work through her own issues (she said that she can't get past the hurt that she still feels when she sees me) so that we can go to counseling again."
How is she supposed to find time when you don't give her space? She's using you as an excuse since it's been almost four weeks and she hasn't even started dealing with any issues yet.
I'm not sure if she's using me specifically as the excuse. She said that Friday was the first day since she moved out where she wasn't completely consumed with work or getting her apt in order/unpacked. I think that's why she wound up calling to say goodnite to the kids (first time since she moved out). I think it was hitting her like it has hit me at times.
The "excuse" she gave for not seeing a consuler on her own yet seemed to more of just finding the time as the last 4 weeks have been so hectic. It sounded like yesterday she gave some hint to ownership of trying to let go of the hurt from the past. She said that she doesn't know how not to relive/feel the hurt from the past whenever she sees me and knows she needs help to be able to move past that.
I've been giving her space by not calling or initiating contact. When she asks about attending things together (i.e. kid's sport events), I do agree as she would be there anyway. I now understand that is the time to be the best CIPA I can be. When she calls, I try to be the best CIPA I can be but end the call very quickly. I didn't do that last nite (45 minute call) as she was crying and very emotional. That's where I try to be compassionate. Even then, I do try to end the call first.
She had sent me a few text this morning - mostly tactical (i.e. does my 3 year still have a bike helmet that fits him, did a refund check come in yet and did I know what the summer camp cost was for my 7 year old). I hadn't answered yet. Figured I would wait for her to call tonite (if she doesn't, it will not be a big deal to me).
One other thing that was brought up in our conversation last nite was about how she was hurt that I had neglected her. She didn't come out and say it out right, but it came up about how my 7 year old mentioned one of his friends had a girlfriend and they kissed. I said I had a girlfriend in 1st grade, which is the first time I kissed a girl as well. I told her it lasted about a week. She joked, did I neglect her as well. I told her no, we just got bored as in 1st grade, we didn't "know" what to do beyond kissing.
Anyway, this is really a road that I don't know how to handle. I'm trying to feel my way in this darkness and appreciate all the help/guidance I get from here.
Thanks.
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
