WHY STAY? from Michele

[Travis]

Believe me, it's the truth. I'm in the situation right now. I found out, she blamed me for everything I've ever done for 11 years, and she took the boys and left April 11. She filed for divorce April 24.
She's been taking my boys to her boyfriends and spending the night.
As much as I can't believe I do, I still love my wife. When this first started, I did the opposite of all the advice on here. I begged and pleaded for her to try to work it out. Of course, that just pushed her farther away. (Guess I should've found this site earlier).
I honestly don't think it will happen, but if she ever realizes how much she/we are losing by divorcing, how could I possibly take her back? I made a decision last night to not hate her anymore. I thought it would be easier, and the pain more manageable, if I hated her. So for five weeks I've been doing exactly that. I believe hate is a choice, and the physical and mental toll it's taken on me in the last 5 weeks just isn't worth it. I can't get rid of the hurt, but I can make the choice not to hate her. I have done so.
But how could it ever work if she ever decided to come back? And why in the hell do I have to still love a woman that could do this to me and our family?