Today started out a really rough day for me - I was awake most of the night till about 4am, missing the W more then normal for some reason. Found my self writing in a memo book that i started to keep around 2am for a couple of hours, and was more overcome with emotions then usual. After about 4 hours sleep decide to get out of bed and go for a bike ride - started out heading to beach and back as a route - at the beach changed my mind on the route, 11 miles was not a long enough ride, so i ended up going on a round about path home added another 5 miles - thinking back I should've kept going for another 5 or 10 more. Got home - 2 missed calls on home phone and 1 on cell - all from the W - no messages left. Call her back and she answers "Nice of you to answer the phone", I just told her that I was out - I didn't think I owed her any explanation to where I was or what I was doing. Although she does know that I started riding my bike and exercising to lose weight and get back in shape. She then asks me what time is the baseball game tonight - told her 7pm but I would like to get there around 6pm. She says OK, is he sleeping over? I left that up to her by simply saying I will bring him home tonight if that is what you want. She told me to keep him over night that he will probably fall asleep on the ride home. So now here I am 2.5 hours later trying to find things to keep my self occupied and my mind off of her. All ready power washed the deck and patio furniture. Weird part is in the past I was always a very sarcastic person and usually angry or ill tempered - That person seems to have completely vanished from within me - now I'm just overwhelmed with lots of other emotions - I guess IC does really help.
Why is it that she has to be so negative and nasty on a simple phone call? And on all days one where I am already struggling to try and keep a PMA and be in good spirits with a smile on my face?
I'm trying my hardest not to pursue her and have to constantly remind myself just back off, try to avoid initiating contact and let her be, but I will admit I do find it very hard to resist the urge at times.
Me 35 W 30 S 3 M 7 : T 13 yrs Separated 2/20/09 My Story
