Thanks Sandi, I really do appreciate the support and advice - and of course, you are right, I was applying pressure.
I'd like to take the time later to respond to your post carefully. but right now, I am instead going to post some details of last nights discussion - because of course the truth is even stranger than I thought...
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.