I agree, but I also agree with what DQ is saying. I think he should stop with all the "Whatever do you MEAN?"s, and just say "I'm not going to discuss it with you," and leave it at that.
Ok, sounds good. Copy all, I not going to discuss that with you. I feel at this point she is just trying to control the whole situation. I really don't get the anger issues of stuff that happened in the 1990s and am going to actually try to enjoy this weekend. I just got an invite to go shoot someones gun. Sounds like fun. Oh, I don't want to be with a woman that doesn't respect me enough to be with me because she doesn't think I can take care of her because she thinks I don't think I can get a good job but yet she leaves her daughter with me to take care of. Doesn't make sense, does it?
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Oh, I don't want to be with a woman that doesn't respect me enough to be with me because she doesn't think I can take care of her because she thinks I don't think I can get a good job but yet she leaves her daughter with me to take care of. Doesn't make sense, does it?
Do you really believe that's her reason? I bet that is just an excuse to justify her means; and an excuse that is designed to hurt you at the same time. My W has done the same thing. I have learned over time that that type of reasoning is just more spew and not really much substance. don't let that kind of talk get to you. You can't believe what she says now anyway, can you?
No, I'm pretty sure it's because OM is still in the picture. I can't help but let that type of talk get to me. I don't know why--because I let it I guess. You're right, I can't believe what she says--I need to stop wanting to believe anything that she says good or bad.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
John, You are reaching the end of your rope...take a break. Saturday is not a good day for your wife to spend the day with you as a family...I do not see a problem with your wife spending the day with your W but I do not want to see your W become the Disney Mom for your daughter...you will never win when you are the parent that has to make her clean the house, do her homerwork, curfew, etc. Limit the "Disney" time and talk to your wife and tell her (guilt is needed) that this is not how your daughter should be raised.
Please do not think that your marriage is over...you and your wife need to work on your comm skills. And you both know this...for the record, you have done nothing wrong, could you have done better...yes, blended family life is hard.
Career wise you need to work with your CC and the CMSgt's in your squadron...set yourself up to make SMSgt. Get involved with monthly promotion ceremonys, Top III officer, PT, get your Master's, volunteer for a field you might like to do when you retire (lifeguard supervisor, jet-ski repair, etc), it is better you prep yourself for SMSgt/CMSgt but you can also take the apptitude test at tha Ed Center to decide what you like to do. Regardless fo what your wife says it is important that you fidn a job you like after military retirement...your W thinking and worrying about money after retirement is very common for military members...go to TAPS now (both of you) even though you do not know when you will retire.
Try to just forget your wife for a week...do not talk about your R this weekend, you do not have one. Prep yourself for the visit...steaks, baked potatoe, asparagus with hollandise sause, nice bottle of wine, cold water, and a desert...very clean house, pool clean, grass cut, etc...you know. Low key you take care of everything and stay out of the picture and tell your W that your D(you and W) needs some mom time and you will stay out of the way unless she needs something...a good time for your daughter to go adopt a rescue pup...and for you to take her to church on Sunday...you must change what you have been doing.
Try to start new traditions that are family style...do not think that you are not worthy of a more fullfilling life...
More later but I want to know that you are prepared to make the attempt to save your marriage in a way that is a blend of what will make you both happy...you and your wife have a (very common) communication problem...I can tell you now that most marriages that think thier problem is money is way off base if that is the justification for divorce...I will say that for two MSgts married for 15+ yrs, one (you, eligible for retirement) and the other, (your W) within 5 yrs of retirement should have about $125K to $150K (min) cash invested in a combination of savings/TSP/mutual funds, etc saved with the plan of adding about $6-8K (minimum) per year. If you are not doing this you could be developing an environment that makes your W worry about life after the Air Force...and a good worry. This is very common for someone who joins a little older than someone who joined amd left during highschool. For many, male and female, money is very important is making them feel secure...
I do not know and you do not know if your W is having an affair...you may never know (and that is ok)...only you can decide if you want to continue this marriage...I would normally say divorce unless there are kids...once that happens then you must try...I would like to see you make an effort to improve the relationship with you SS...with him being only 19 and you married for 15+ you are his dad....is his bio dad involved in his life? Did he pay CS and visit regularly? If you gave the impression that he was not important you should try to fix it...not hard to do, tell him the truth...if he wants to join th AF you had to have some type of influence (and yes, your W) At 19 I would have liked to see some college or already in the AF...not thinking about it...assuming he finished High School.
I am going to take a break for now...it is important for you to decide what you want to do...exposure is not to punish your wife, it is to force them to accept reality...and edn the affair...I do not know and neither do you, if she has had an affair, do I think she did, I don't know...I can tell you this entire situation had been very unusual...your W so close to retirement, the OM a Lt Col married to a Col, the short time you were deployed, you seem to be secure with money, a 13 yr old girl, nice house, cars, jetski, pool, etc...you have all the tools to have a great life.
I normally will not discuss church but with your past attendance I think your job is to go find one for your family...just get up Sunday and go...it might be a year before you feel the need.
Talked w/ the wife some on the phone yesterday. She wanted to tell me about her day and asked about mine. She was on her way to see a movie "by herself". Ok, whatever. She again asked if I was ok. She called back later to talk to my D about her first formal dance that she had. She went so far as to tell me D that she was trying to go into the Army. It's been more than 3 months now and it still feels pretty fresh but she seems like it's nothing to her and just part of life that I need to accept and move on. I really don't understand her. At first she lied about having an affair/BF, then she admitted having affairs/BF, then she lied about having affairs/BF. Meanwhile, my D and I have had to suffer through this the whole time. I'm still going to the beach w/ her today. She didn't cut off my cell phone. Apparently something was wrong w/ it. I'm still praying that she sees something in me and/or us that is worth salvaging and wants to continue our marriage. Sooner or later this has got to come to a close either way though.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
It won't just "happen." She'll have to either make a decision to end all contact, or you'll have to expose her and force it, or OM will have to dump her (and even then they sometimes don't get over them for a long, long time).
