Basically on 5/7 after I got grumpy with her being so aloof the night before she dropped the 'are you happy?' bomb. She then explained that she wasn't and said a good part of it was the situation with her twin sister moving with us into a larger townhome after sister's husband took his own life in Nov. 08. She further expounded that maybe I wasn't right for her and that she probably just wasn't cut out for marriage. She said she didn't think she wanted to work on it. She explained that she had thought about it for a little while (probably true she was acting aloof since Feb.) During that time she was very nagging and critical and I just took it because I thought I needed to show unconditional compassion to her and her sister. Before the sister's H death whenever she nagged or was critical I stood my ground and worked it out with her. Before this we had an excellent relationship. Yes there were rough times but it was the 1st few months of marriage. She really only seemed sad and depressed and critical during her periods (they are never consistent and very hormonal) but it got more frequent as the last few months after the holidays. Also winter took it's toll on her this year. She cannot stand the cold and I think the wishiwashiness of the weather this year really got to her. Finally when spring finally came she got on Wellbutrin. She seemed to improve and there were signs of her being her own (mostly) sweet self. She increased her dose a few short days before the bomb. I think she might be having a major depressive episode. She is only working on her art occaisionally and is only really paying much attention to her sister. They are completely wrapped up in each other except for the occaisional time that the sister hangs out with a guy she sees (this recently happened and my w really started clinging to her twin at this time). I told my wife a few days ago to consider seeing a therapist. She can have 3 free sessions with my insurance. She apparently had looked into that weeks ago but didn't follow through. I have decided to get counseling and am going to see a dr to get back on Strattera for ADHD. It really benefitted me.
Anyway, since Feb. my wife and I have had limited quality time w/ each other because twin is always around. It wasn't as bad the first few months since her H died but since Feb. has been practically insane. I know they needed their space together but I did get jealous, clammed up, and felt like a 3rd wheel. Of course I couldn't communicate this to my wife.
Anyway, the last few days I have tried to be as detached but as cheerful as I can around them. Been thinking of the 180's I can do and have worked on a few. Yesterday I bought the divorce remedy and also am looking for a way to justify the expense of more telephone coaching. Last night my wife finally asked to talk about the situation. There was no R talk which I want to avoid. Basically she asked what we should do? I kind of got sad and said 'you want to kick me out and divorce me right? ' she said 'I haven't looked into that'.. I said 'should we separate and see what happens?' she said 'That seems to be the logical course' I was somewhat relieved because on the day of the bomb she said she absolutely had no plans on helping save our marriage. I guess this must be evidence that she does.
Obviously my w needs space and clarity. I love her so much and that is why I want to give it to her. I know she has to do what she has to do. Our situation with the twin living here and her h's death make this case a little more unique not to mention crazy. Surely D is not the answer here. It seems like that would just send us all down a spirally abyssmal road that makes the current situation seem tolerable!
I am sorry if this is long and rambly. In my next reply I want to talk more about the twin. Right now I have to ponder what to write about that.
---- me-36 W-32 live in SIL-32 SIL H suicide - 11/09 ILYBIAMNILWYAM - 5/07/09 bomb - 5/07/09
