Baffled!!!!

[Dawn of Hope]

BH,
I haven't gone back and read your prior threads, but if you are experiencing a tug-of-war between advice from various people, DB coaches trump friends and even therapists, hands down.

My therapist, my psychiatrist, many of my friends and relatives, and even my minister all thought I should kick my H out the door when I found out about his OW (who he is still seeing, as far as I know), but my DB coach agreed that an ultimatum was not the best solution for me. I prayed about it a lot and was tempted to cave in to popular opinion, but I resisted because I strongly felt that it was not right for me. I still feel that I made the right choice, even though he did decide to move out, 13 months later, and nothing seems to have improved between us in the 6 months he has been gone. At least this way he can't blame me for the fact he has the expense of living outside the marital home, because it was his choice entirely. I have made a lot of mistakes, both before and after the bomb, but I have complete peace about that aspect of my choices.

Well, I didn't mean to go on and on about myself, sorry. I just wanted to explain why I think the DB coach's advice is the best path to follow, as a rule, as long as it is consistent with whatever divine/spiritual guidance you sense in your deepest heart. You can sense it if you are able to be calm and sit quietly. The DB coach's goal is the restoration of the marriage (as well as the building up of the person who contacts them), so they won't give up on your marriage before you do. That's not the case with most friends, relatives, therapists, and ministers--they are all more concerned with how YOU are doing, and sometimes, in their zeal to see you start to heal ASAP, they give up on your marriage too soon.

It is sooooo hard, but right now, learning to detach is going to be a key issue for you. Work on that, and on whatever else your DB coach has suggested. Their (the coaches') advice is gold. You've paid for it; don't throw away your investment.

Learn to love yourself. (Maybe I should try taking my own advice!)

You are on a hard and rocky road, but you have an abundance of sterling companions here.

Peace and blessings,
Dawn