Kerry, I like that song. Thanks for bringing that melody in my head..
Indifferent to me John because is was all about work work work... Nothing new. I listened, validated, offered my advice when asked, asked questions, showed inetrest. Real interest, not fake. BUT the issues remain. And when I say dead marriage he talked about being in peace, (as in rest in peace?), understanding, compatible. I heard nothing of caring, loving, making love, soothe one another. I almost asked him if he wants a "safe" familiar place. He talked about wanting routines etc etc. I did make a point of me NOT wanting old routines. I also did tell him that he never answered to my requests for explanation of what is it what he wants in a relationship with a woman, he said he cant see me as a woman, we've been together for too long...
It's clear now that I need to make the work and make him see me as one again. Wake him up, you know? I am tootired to play games through. Ss it worth it? For how long will I be able to act as if? I dont know.
I told him the truth, that a big reason for me not to end it, has been this scene in my head of me 5 years later, crying in bed at night, "wishing I had waited". I also told him that he has been very selfish about all this. Everything has to "evolve" according to his schedule, his issues, his work, his moods. He didnt respond.
There was no love in his eyes tonight. He looked real skinny and "crazy". I could see him thinking and wanting to talk only about work. He actually brought "us" up as if was the said schedule we had to keep up with. About the summer vacation he said "I can see how you use the example of life not waiting but the fist step would be to know if we want to be together. Then we will see what happens with vacation". But in his mind, he cant "See" that before he settles work...
He cant see you as a woman? No interest in intimacy?
As a guy, I would think that if you got some new sexy lingerie that it sure would spark his interest in intimacy. Take a shopping trip on Themistokleous to see if there is something there that you think would look hot on you.
K, What is it that drives him at work? Extra money? Passion for what he does? Just addicted to it?
He's more comfortable with routine and you are more impulsive. Can you research this and find a happy balance between the two opposites where you can respect his needs and he can add some spice to the structure? Some sort of happy structured chaos? If you give him what he wants chances are he will do likewise. That way you are not settling but giving to each other. If you hold out for what you want and he does likewise you'll be in the Lonely Beavers Club for the next hundred years.
My H is totally absorved in his issues. He has no compassion about me and no respect about my timeline. He also expressed doubts about our compatibility in general since he said he understands what I may way but he doesnt think it is logical.
Sara, I told him my biggest mistake is that these last 7 months I made him take me as granted. He said I am too far away from the truth and that he doesnt but he really cant do anything about me being hit on by others etc.
Routines: I know he is a routine guy. Most men are IMO. But a routine could be to ML every night, no? It's the kind of routine he wants that I dont agree with. Of course I need schedule in my life also, with 2 kids, work and responsibilities I have to have a routine...
He will come today even if he doesnt stay over. I will try to talk to him again. Maybe today it is a better day for that. I am not happy with the convo we had and I need to try to make him see my points more clear this time... K
"My H is totally absorved in his issues. He has no compassion about me and no respect about my timeline. He also expressed doubts about our compatibility in general since he said he understands what I may way but he doesnt think it is logical"
"I am not happy with the convo we had and I need to try to make him see my points more clear this time..."
So you think a conversation is going to change this man who is totally into himself......this man who has no compassion.....this man who does not see you as a woman??? I am sorry K, you deserve so much more.... I know what predicament you are in..... it looks like either you accept him as he is or ......
