Things sure have come a long way since I started this process. Right now my wife and I are still working on building that trust and rekindling our love for each other. We continue to fall a sleep on the phone almost every single night and we've gotten to a point where she fells comfortable with me being more affectionate towards her. That said, I still feel like there is still a thin wall between us - it's hard to explain but I feel like I cannot tell her I love her yet without scaring her away.
The other day she was telling me that she does not want the child support to go away after we get married. I felt like that was a sign she simply didn't trust me enough. I responded by telling her that I understand why she would feel that way and if that had to continue in order for us to be together - than that's fine. But that I expected that within time that would eventually go away. My guess is that she still has some doubts on how committed I'm really am and perhaps I just need to validate her more.
That said, I am still deeply in love with my wife. I truly want us to be together, get married and be a family again. I am also finding that I am a little rusty when it comes to keeping up a conversation. I sometimes find it hard to come up with things to talk about and maybe I am just trying too hard and just need to be myself. I use to read a lot and lately with my new job, I really haven't read much so maybe that's why.
Regarding our money situation, I am still trying to live tight so I can pay down debt, save $$$ for a down payment and get married. So far I've been doing good and sticking with our budget. My wife wants us to get married within a year rather than a year and a half - so I am going to try to make that happen.
I think right now I am in a stage where I really need to prove to my wife that I am here for the long haul. I know that we still got issues that need to be ironed out, but I am determined to show her that I am never letting go.
