Thanks Mish! Now to do as well or better in the new ones!
FYI0-I am thinking this is a "hand of God" issue, as I have been trying to get into Family Law and Divorce Mediation for 6 terms now and could not. I missed out again this term and next term is my last term--it is not being offered. I cannot call it a coincidence, as there are no coincidences in God.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I think he is trying to sort things out and see everyone's reaction. His parents and family, the kids, and you. He is trying to be detached and "wrapping" up loose ends (telling D9 he's not coming home) but then he can't pull away. He's seeing and hearing what he will be missing. He's trying to make a "logical" decision about leaving. Trying to rationalise that he's making the right choice. Just stay being the best SMW you can and lovingly detach. Has he asked you about your transformation? Are you getting any intel from his friends? I gotta think it's got him curious or interested a little. You are handling it. Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
He has not said a thing to me about any of the changes. Can't get intel from his friends, as he has alienated all the ones that I know. He literally leaves here at night, goes straight back to BIL and SIL's house, talks to them for a minute or two and goes to his room.
Everyone's reaction has been to tell him to go home an fix things. Of course, that is the last thing he wants to hear right now. I am sure the OW is feeding into his created sense of isolation.
I am being me. He has not seen me as anything other than the new me.
As a matter of fact, I went shopping with SIL the other day at like 10am. She asked me if I looked like this all the time. i said like what? She said hair and make-up done, contacts in, dressed nicely. I said yeah, why? She said so DH sees you like this all the time? Me:Yep Her: and he eats your cooking every night, too? Me: Yep (I am well-known in our family for my cooking--everyone likes to eat at my house and BIL wants me to teach SIL how to cook). Her: Well, heck, you had the OW beat before all this tarted! That woman does not stand a chance! Me:(being me) Yeah, now if I could get him in bed, I would have him home in no time!
So, him trying to rationalize his decision against the reality of home--is that creating the cognitive dissonance that Ali was talking about?
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
So, him trying to rationalize his decision against the reality of home--is that creating the cognitive dissonance that Ali was talking about?
The is the exact term to use here - cognitive dissonance.
Stay patient.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I will keep on going. My patience is doing well, all things considered. I have weak moments, but they are few and short. School will help. I have to do really well in order to get into my Master's program.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
SMW - He is torn and hesitant. This is EXACTLY how you want him to be. Smile all the time. Be so darn happy that he wonders what you are up to.
Can you somehow mention you saw the 4 wheeler on Craig's list? You don't have to mention the money part. Just ask. Let him explain. If he doesn't say much, then ask what he is selling it for. Let him tell you.
Its easy to smile when you know these poor guys don't stand a chance in the face of God's power.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
If I mention I saw it, he will know I know how much he is selling it for.
Instead, since I had previously mentioned trails I had found where we could ride it, I sent him the link for the trails. Lets see what he does with that.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
D9 had counseling tonight. DH did not go--he had duty. The counselor told me about last week's session. She said that she will be suggesting to DH in the future that he get into IC and parenting classes so he fully understands the impact of his decision on the kids, as well as dealing with his own GAD. She agrees with me that DH cannot help D9 if he has not dealt with his own disorder. Who knows if he will actually listen to her.
C said she tried to explain to DH that no matter how he spins it, the kids will always view his actions after deployment as abandonment and that DH considered his friends more important than them. She does not know if he really heard her.
It will be interesting tosee what happens going forward. Most of the session was spent with trying to get D9 to open back up like she had been doing a few weeks ago. C noticed that D9 is agitated, easily distracted, and fidgety again. Said she may recommend an increase in dosage on the concerta. We will see how she is in a couple of weeks.
Please keep her little God heart in your prayers. She is such a mighty little prayer warrior for her dad. Makes me proud to see her embracing her faith so completely.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
in light of his recent decisions after he left the boat..
I think he's playing nice..the WAS tends to put on a good show in public..they act as if nothing is wrong with the M...he also feels some obligation to do the right thing as far as spending time with the kids i think...when he is in town anyway....
men also feel obligation as far as the house is concerned..especially if they feel there are things that are left undone...ie..yard mowing, gutters cleaned and all that..
A show for who Mike? He has made it abundantly clear he wants out. His family does not support him being here--his dad basically told him to live with the consequences of his choices-- although they do expect him to do all of the other stuff--yard work, repairs around the house, etc.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
