Hello Drew here and relatively new to the forums. Is anyone on here facing an anniversary in midst of a bad situation? June will be my 1st year anniversary with my wife. Assuming we don't separate by then in what way should we celebrate this? Should we at all? the bomb was dropped 5/7/09 so this is all very new and it has been a tense household with a few exceptions here and there. I had my 1st phone consultation yesterday which helped put in light the stages of this matter. Right now the dust is barely settling but no one said anything about not being friends. I am thinking non romantic present at the very least which the phone counselor said was a good idea esp at this stage.
Also, on an unrelated note I have ADHD and live with a dysthymic wife. I have made a lot of progression with ADHD before we met but of course what she sees now obviously is an issue. We have been together 2 years total and for the most part communicate well except for the times I am having a hard time with my disorder. Right now I think communication is part of the reason she feels like she needs to walk away. I have been detached and haven't spoken to much to her (my boundary - no r talks). Is it ok after the bomb to be this way with someone who thinks you are a spotty communicator? I am doing this because it seems like right now actions are the absolute most direct form of communication. Doing 180's, doing housework (never didn't do this but taking on chores i don't like), dressing nicely, got my hair cut and brows waxed (never done that - I am sure she has noticed but not said anything). Detachment seems to work well as she initiated cuddling a few days ago after i went to bed and just turned over. We had sex the night after the bomb. I've still been detached in bed except limbs touching each other at times through the night (it almost seems like such a game right now). Last night she mentioned that I haven't talked much in the last few days and asked if I was ok. I said yes. She has stopped wearing the wedding ring. She is still drinking out of the coffee cup with our picture on it. She still thanks me for the little things. Housework, and getting her some stuff for her art (found objects), also got her coffee and she seemed thrilled, also appreciated dinner last night. For some reason she doesn't like me making her nightly cocktail so I stopped that. I have 180'ed by drinking less in case she feels guilty the she and I drink on occaision (I don't feel good about it and want to cut back). So everything seems pretty confusing right now. I complimented her on how she looks last night (she is working out like crazy). She didn't seem to know how to take that but thanked me. This almost seems like teenage rebellion to me I swear.
And now for the really confusing part. Tonight she nagged me before taking my evening walk. I was stretching my calves on the wall and leaving scuff marks and she pointed it out and told me to use the carpeted stairs. I cleaned it up and did so. Isn't nagging a sign of someone who still cares?? lol.. perhaps I should have thanked her!
Phone coaching was fabulous btw... and now I am realizing I will have to be patient and compassionate in this situation.
