Drawing a line and grabbing the seeds!

[faithisbelieving]

It's easy...stop the behavior that got you here in the first place. Start from scratch and start reading again. SIMPLE. FIB

[cire2]

Hmmm, friday late afternoon and not a word from her. That sure hurts.

Her last text to me on sunday afternoon said she didn't want to talk then but we would get together in a day or two and figure out where we go from here. She also stated she hoped we would keep our friendship.

I replied twice on sunday hoping she would reconsider (bad) and of course I'm her friend cause I love her and want a shared future with her. (bad again)

I've realized my backslide and have been dark since my last text sunday. I'm hurt and suprised I haven't heard from her at all. My mind is full of speculation and assumptions. So I post here and read some hoping to gain a bit of clarity.

I miss her terribly! Yet I'm confused and a bit overwhelmed, not only with her but the fact my XW and I had contact after so long.

I'm thinking I need to stay dark and let her initiate contact but like most here I swing like the proverbial pendulum. She still has keys to this house and belongings/clothes over here. She also has a TV of mine at her place. So I'm guessing at some point there'll be contact but I don't know.

Any thoughts on the staying dark idea???

FIB I know you'll post and look forward to your feedback. Wouldn't mind hearing from any others who read this I could use the help and support.

cire

[cire2]

This morning just after 5am I get a text from XGF and she says "Hi. How is my friend? I still feel the same way about us, but I miss you. Are you ok?

Tough on me but I haven't responded. Not responding is a true 180 for me as I use to always respond and be available.

I've kept busy today and will be going racing tomorrow. She knows about the racing.

Any feedback??

Does it sound like the right approach?

A friend of mine who use to post here said she's thinking and don't respond...

I'm curious of others perspective.

cire

[faithisbelieving]

Response: "I'm doing great...thanks for asking. Prepping for a great race tomorrow"

FIB

[cire2]

Hey there cire,

Looks like you must be contagious because only the doctor will visit you.

That FIB is a good guy!

In my view this whole process is a test of self control, forgiveness, patience, discipline, structure etc. Etc.

A boot camp if you will...

Don't be frustrated if you don't get responses here it's just practice for the ups and downs of R's.

Hang in there!

rorrim

[faithisbelieving]

I can advertise for more followers? FIB

[cire2]

So I stop by her work yesterday because she wasn't scheduled and her car wasn't there. I have friends there. Lo and behold she's working, crap. I politely apoligize and tell her I didn't think shed be there. She was nice and we talked a bit. She said she wanted to come out to watch me race tomorrow or sunday. That put a smile on my face. We even hugged and kissed. Made me feel good.

Well then today I stopped by with the race car to show her and ask if she still was coming to watch. This time not as happy, an excuse about not coming and kinda the cold shoulder. Even stated she doesn't trust things could change and can't get over things I've done in the past. She said it wasn't fair that I came in yesterday looking so good. That just seemed to make her mad at herself for entertaining a thought of reconcilliation and she's pulling away again.

Man this is just killing me! I am finding myself right back at square one and I'm not coping so well. I really want to stand for this as I love her greatly. I'd like to show her that she'd be crazy to pass me up and yet if I try to see her or talk she runs.

Arrrgh! This sucks and hurts. Back to my prayers and trusting God.

cire

[MsMelancoly]

Hi cire2, Don't know if I have any advise. From the posts it seems she keeps baiting you down the same cheeseless tunnel & you keep going for it.

How long have you been together? What has made trust an issue, for both or you?

[cire2]

Hi MM,

You're right about the cheeseless tunnels. I'm insane at times when I follow feelings instead of logic.

We've been together for 2 yrs. Trust for me is hampered from her having an EA PA and some deception. For her its about me slipping into old habits and saying mean and hurtful things.

I did this again last night, yikes! After a weekend of racing and a few adult beverages I stopped by her place unannounced. BAD BAD idea! That pisses her off and I've told her I wouldn't do that anymore. God I'm stupid! Well I may have officially driven the final nail in this time. She texted me she doesn't love me but she once did. Also to leave her alone to cry by herself and she'll never give her heart to anyone again.

I think I've really screwed the pooch this time. Ugh!

I'm looking for hope but just not seeing any now. What was possibly working on her mind and heart has just been totally screwed up by me again. Why can't I be still?

cire

[cire2]

Well well well cire, are you done with the sabotage yet?

Be still my boy, she must miss you and think about what you have to offer. What your advertising isn't attractive.

You said yourself there's been contact with XW after 2 years just goes to show we aren't forgotten. STAY STILL, be mysterious!!

rorrim