New to all of this

[sandi2]

Hi M25. I did not forsake you but my computer forsook me! Have it back for a few days, anyway, so maybe I can get caught up on what's going on.

So, I read the latest posts about your H's emotional ups & downs and about finding out that your friend was talking to him. Also read the good advice that you have received. This is what is my POV:

I was always one who believe in laying all the cards on the table (and still do about most things) but I have also learned that "confrontation" is usually not a good thing when it is between two females! We know what I'm talking about, don't we? I can almost promise you that it will not have a positive "lasting" outcome. I have learned that some things work out better if given the proper amount of time. However, as suggested, if you can get her to discuss her feeling about her M, etc., that may give you a better idea of what's going on.....I don't know. She may be a very good actress and just fill you with a bunch of "stuff". It depends on several things. You will have to be very strong and not give in to her asking "you" questions about your MR!! Again.....we know how it is when two women get together and start talking. Be careful!

So....let's get to the one who really matters here and that is your H. Regardless of wheather your friend started out turning to your H as a mentor in her M problems--and then ended up feeling emotionally connected to him or attracted to him sexually......the point is this: How does she make HIM feel? You see, we wives can get careless about our MR and do not continue to make our H's feel as admired or we don't stand in as much awe of him as we once did. Then here comes another woman that is turning to him with her problems. He feels needed. She makes him feel wise, maybe compliments him. Then his ego starts to inflate. He starts having emotional feelings for her. He is confused b/c he may not understand exactly what those feelings are.......or maybe he does know what they are but he doesn't want to admit it. Could be that it is all one-sided and it is all your H's feeling toward her--and she does not feel that way about him. However, that is just something you won't know before or maybe after talking to her. How well do you really know her? Could you tell if she was lying to you?

I felt bad for you when Puppy first asked about the possibility of OW and you just could not believe it since your H "told" you and you trusted him. My H and I always had that "trust" between us. I would never trust another human being as much as I did him or he use to me. But, I broke that trust. And.....like your H, I did not believe in that "sort of thing" either. But, it happened. It happened to me. I had an EA with OM over the Internet. How disgusting! But, people choose to get involved and if they don't watch themselves very carefully, their emotions will betray them and then they get all mixed up.....just like your H said he felt.

I suppose it is probably too late to advise you what to do about this weekend, but I hope you will not confront your friend about her talking to your H. I know from what all the people on the DB board has said that "snooping" is the worst thing you can start b/c then you tend to get obsessed with it and it hurts very badly.

Some people can do it and some can't.......but my advice to you is to act as if you don't know about any EA and just be the very best wife you can be. Tough assignment. Some will disagree with that advice, but what will you do if you ask your H and he has to admit it? Then he may think that he needs to move out of the house. Is that what you want? Will it push him close to her? These are things you must think about. What do you really want and what are you willing to put up with and how hard are you willing to work at the R? I'm not saying to live a lie.....as some may suggest that is what you would be doing. I'm saying that to act "as if".......just like you've been doing. I think you have done a great job. You have back away from your H when you needed to and continued to keep your PMA around him and act as if you've had a wake-up call.

Anyway, I'll check back with you to see what happened over the weekend. I wish you the best.

Sandi