d-day coming soon - help !

[misshim]

Grace,

Thank You so much for responding. I'm at home now with my dial-up computer. (poo) took me forever just to get online, guess that's why I usually wait until Monday thru Friday at work.

I feel like I'm going crazy. I know I have to detach from H somewhat but it's hard. My Pastor is pretty straight forward with alot of things. He took my H out of communion on our Sunday worship services. My H- is mad (happened about 2 months ago) he refuses to go to church now because of that. I told him to go talk to Pastor about it. H can't face him (he's too direct for him !!) Pastor told me earlier today the reason for no communion for him isn't because of the A it is because H will not give him a valid reason for the D.

Pastor was actually D himself about 26 years ago. His X had an affair and he filed. I wonder if that is why he's so adament on me not including him in our lives for anything ??

I just don't know what to do, I feel as though if I try my hardest up until the D then I can say I tried my hardest to not lose my marriage. Then come D-day I will have to cut him out of our lives. Of course he will still see his daughter but no more bed time prayers with her (unless it's his weekend) and no eating over with us and heavens no more lawn mowing for me. Some times I think the lawn mowing for me will be the worst to lose his help on (ha-ha)

This weekend his "his weekend" sometimes he gets D4 at noon on saturday and sometimes ??? who knows when. Tonight when he dropped D4 off at home he was very quiet (probably afraid from the kiss he gave me last night) but of course he said sorry that he couldn't stay longer but he'd make it up to me Saturday. What in the world?? See it's his weekend and he doesn't want to take her to his parents house and I'm sure he'll want to stay at our house with her overnight. He'll tell me that I can go out and he'll just watch TV.

What do I do?? My heart wants him to stay of course forever but I don't want to get "used" either. I'm sure he thinks of the D-day as well, and what the hell does he think will happen to this comfort zone that he now has at our house??

I know it will be another sleepless night but with alot of prayer I hope to find peace.