Puppy, the secret to real intimacy is to be able to stay detached. This actually has a lot to do with the brand of alpha-maleness that Frank-D is trying to get at. (Though, you don't have to stuff or hide your feelings to do so. A real alpha-male can share feelings directly precisely because they are individuated/detached.)
Exactly. That's what it's all about. As David Deida says in 'The way of the superior man', do not become part of her intensity.
Stay With Her Intensity—To a Point When a woman gets emotionally intense, a mediocre man wants to calm her down and discuss it, or leave and come back later when she is "sane." A superior man penetrates her mood with imperturbable love and unwavering consciousness. If she still refuses to live more fully in love, after a time, he lets her go.
Tolerating Her Leads to Resenting Her
Don't Force the Feminine to Make Decisions.
A man abandons responsibility by expecting that his woman will always make her own decisions and then be accountable for the results. This expectation is a withholding of his masculine gift. It puts a woman in the position of magnifying her own masculine. It is good for some women to learn to animate their masculine capacity to make a decision and stick with it. But if a man abnegates his responsibility to provide his woman with the gift of masculine clarity and decisiveness, then she will become chronically sharp, angular, and distrustful of his love. She will cease surrendering in love with him, cease trusting his masculine capacity, and, instead, become her own man. Your woman asks you for input, and you say, "Whatever you want to do is fine with me." This is the statement of a friend, not a lover. As friends, you want to treat each other fairly and give each other space and independence. As lovers, you and your woman are more than just friends. You are playing the full dynamic of masculine and feminine polarity. Wouldn't you like your woman to be a goddess and offer you her feminine gifts? To evoke them, you must offer her your masculine gifts. One of your most valuable gifts is the ability to see all the options and make a decision based on this view of all the potential outcomes.
etc...
Think beyond the box you are in. Men and women are different. Celebrate the difference.
Look into the resources we've sent you, with love. this is NOT about power or control. It's about understanding who we are as men and women.
Don't you want to know that? If you think your W is the 'same' as you and she thinks you are the 'same' as her, well you're both wrong. You are a man, wired by biology to do certain things. As such, she is a woman who is also wired to be a woman.
What we should do, as men and women, is learn about our differences. When I speak of 'alpha male' I'm only seeing your side of things.
She needs a mentor who can help her through her 'women' side of things.
However, I guarantee you that if you start 'manning up' things will change
You know that, you did it before. When you confronted her about her affair and other issues. She totally responded to the man, you.
Puppy, your 'handle' is weak.
It shows the men here that you have chosen to be a 'nice guy'
I want nothing but success for you.
Do a search on 'alpha male' on this web site.
I am going to post to other 'old timers' on this website who 'get' the alpha male concept. I hope they will get on your threads. You are a good man, and deserve our questions
