V - Like I said earlier - there is no real dark time when you share children. It changes to this: have whatever contact you want with the kids and only talk to W if it has to do with the kids (aside from polite social greetings). No other talk with W. Let the L do the D talk if there needs to be talk of fairness. If you agree to talk about what is "fair" then as you noted, R talk occurs.
You have the difficult position of deciding to "work it out between you" and not go dark in hopes of reconciliation or "let the L's talk and stay dark".
I know if may be the difference between an easier D financially or not. It still sounds like their is a R to attend to. If you don't want this then let her work through L's and not be able to talk to you. Both still have to sign on the dotted line. It is an intimidating process and maybe without you to talk to through it - well, maybe she will reconsider. You can always refuse to sign and hang on for awhile. I know you have been at this for two years - it seems like a long time - but I personally don't hear that it is over for the two of you. Like you thought - I hear fear - not about D but about working through things.
She is copping out when she says she has trust issues still that she cannot work out. It is definitely under one's control to forgive and let go. You understand that, she still needs to learn how. Can you help her with that?
Pardon me also for sticking another opinion here -but I think I read earlier that you mentioned being afraid more of working it out than D. What are your issues? (You don't have to say) just think.
One last thing to say - I think you have a lot to offer her - I wish you could find a way to and I know you do too - to find the key that opens her up.
