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[judyc]

Hi,

I am new to the forum, and would like to introduce myself.

I am in day 2 of living without my H. We have been married 16 years, and do love one another. He has not been happy for quite some time and decided to move out this past week. The cause of our problems is the same basic cause of most couples' problems - lack of/poor communication. There have been no affairs, but he says he feels like we have just been "good friends" over the past few years. He is right. He is a wonderful man, and I am distraught over his departure. He maintains that he is not ruling out reconciliation, but needs to be away from me for awhile. He still cares for me and has feelings for me.

Yesterday, I purchased Divorce Remedy, and read it cover to cover. I feel better already. H says he still plans on coming over after work each week, and I am ready to employ the "Last Resort" technique. No more crying and begging for him to return. I am going to prove that I am the strong, independent woman that I was when we first met. I am going out to dinner with two other couples tonight. The plans had been made about a month ago, when H and I were still together. Yesterday, I thought of not going, but instead called both of my friends and told them I would be coming alone. I even went out and bought a new outfit to wear!

I look forward to my journey toward a happy marriage, and the support of this forum.

------
Me: 48
H: 47
M: 16 years
S: 1 day

[aliveandkicking]

You are awesome!!!

[judyc]

You are awesome!!!

Thanks, a&k!

That really means alot to me!

[judyc]

An update:

I did go out with my friends last night. I took the train into the city by myself (hadn't done that in 20 years...), went to a fun Mexican restaurant, drank too many margartias (not b/c I am down, but because we were all just having a good time!). It was lonely and a bit awkward being there alone with two other couples. I missed having H there (and my friends missed him as well).

I did some more shopping today. I have lost 6 pounds over the past few months (not because of WAS, that just happened this week), and for the first time in years, I am REALLY happy about how I look when trying on new clothes.

I was going to go for a bike ride today, but last night's margarita's took their toll... Maybe I will a little later, after I drink more water.

I feel like I have a new outlook for myself. I have been repeating these words to myself over and over today, and I encourage others to do the same:

1) I am hot!
2) I am sexy!
3) I am a self-confident woman!
4) I like myself!

These positive affirmations really work!

H is coming over tomorrow after we both get done work. It was his idea, but I'm not sure if it's b/c he feels sorry for me, or if he wants to see me. The last he saw me was Friday morning (his moving out day) when I left for work. I was pathetic. This was before I bought my copy of DR, of course.

When he comes over tomorrow, he will see that I am holding my head 'way up high.

My first written goal is for him to question whether leaving me is a really such a good idea. When (not "if") that happens, it will be the first small step toward building our life again.
----

[AloneInNY]

I commend you for being so strong! You're doing everything right and treating yourself with the respect you deserve.

I can only believe that anyone seeing you in person would come to recognize how strong and confident you are.

Keep up the good work.

[judyc]

I just re-read my first post. I sure sounded positive. I am not sure why but it was easier to be positive that first weekend being alone. Maybe it was because I knew H was coming over that Monday to have dinner.

Then there was the fire. Coping with that, though. Difficult, yes, but right now beyond my control. Trying to make the best of staying in a hotel room for the next few months (free Happy Hour on weekdays )

I am feeling down right now, because of some occurances over the past few days, too complicated to describe. Got my hair done and eyebrows waxed today, but still feel down. Hard to concentrate at work.

Goals for the weekend:
Buy some new books (have always liked to read)
Rent "Yes Man"
Go for a bikeride if weather is good
Buy a new bathing suit
Say, "I like myself" more often
Think about upcoming trip to friend's house over Memorial Day weekend.

[orchid01]

WOW JudyC,

You are amazing! After reading your thoughts, they sound to me like "I am WOMAN. HEAR my ROAR!"

All I can say is keep it up and I will remember you when my bad time rolls in tomorrow.

[judyc]

Thanks, Orchid1!

What you just wrote really means alot to me! You just lifted my spirits!

[judyc]

Hi AloneinNY,

Gosh, I feel so much better after reading your and Orchid1's posts.

While I am experiencing intense pain right now, my H moving out was really a good thing for me. I have been doing alot of reflecting (what else is there to do when you are alone in a hotel room, and the movies on cable are $14!!), and I have learned that I have become someone I did not like very much. Had to do with the fact that while working my day job, I started another business in my spare time. I started taking things too seriously, stopped being fun, stopped enjoying myself. Work, work, work. Two years ago I got sick of the entreprenaurial thing, so I am back to working just my corporate day job. But, that did not change the fact that I did not like myself. I think the only way for me to once again like myself was for him to leave.

I badly want my M to work, but I realize I first have to fix me (and H has to fix himself).

My H came to the hotel and hooked up a DVD player he had at work. So, tonight, I am going to watch Yes Man!

[judyc]

Goals for today:

1. Buy extension cord so I can plug in washing machine to temporary electrical box contractor installed until power is restored in the house.

2. Set up some kind of clothes line in the garage (clothes dryer is 220v, won't be available until electricians come in)

3. Buy the cats some new toys.

4. Don't think about what H is doing this weekend, although I know what he is doing, thinking about it gets me upset.

5. Buy bathing suit and some new clothes to take on trip Memorial Day weekend.

6. Buy some books.

7. Cook something delicious for dinner and open a nice bottle of wine.