Kerry, I like that song. Thanks for bringing that melody in my head..
Indifferent to me John because is was all about work work work... Nothing new. I listened, validated, offered my advice when asked, asked questions, showed inetrest. Real interest, not fake. BUT the issues remain. And when I say dead marriage he talked about being in peace, (as in rest in peace?), understanding, compatible. I heard nothing of caring, loving, making love, soothe one another. I almost asked him if he wants a "safe" familiar place. He talked about wanting routines etc etc. I did make a point of me NOT wanting old routines. I also did tell him that he never answered to my requests for explanation of what is it what he wants in a relationship with a woman, he said he cant see me as a woman, we've been together for too long...
It's clear now that I need to make the work and make him see me as one again. Wake him up, you know? I am tootired to play games through. Ss it worth it? For how long will I be able to act as if? I dont know.
I told him the truth, that a big reason for me not to end it, has been this scene in my head of me 5 years later, crying in bed at night, "wishing I had waited". I also told him that he has been very selfish about all this. Everything has to "evolve" according to his schedule, his issues, his work, his moods. He didnt respond.
There was no love in his eyes tonight. He looked real skinny and "crazy". I could see him thinking and wanting to talk only about work. He actually brought "us" up as if was the said schedule we had to keep up with. About the summer vacation he said "I can see how you use the example of life not waiting but the fist step would be to know if we want to be together. Then we will see what happens with vacation". But in his mind, he cant "See" that before he settles work...
