I just wanted to say that I understand how you are feeling. To be tugged back and forth takes its toll, whether its right or wrong, or the other person cannot help it, doesn't make it any easier for you to deal with.
I hope you are able to find some peaceful understanding with your wife and you both can start a new.
Blessings~
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Geez, I'm gone for a few days and I've missed pages of your thread. I'm still offline btw, I'm using the library while D9's at art club. Anyway, just thinking some things after catching up, and you know I'm just about the harshest critic of your Wow, but I'm thinking maybe you should lower your expectations and not expecting too much too quickly, and just go day at a time. Maybe your M will work out or not, no guarantees, but you don't have to decide to give up today or tomorrow. See where it goes.... Karen
Puppy - For me as a woman , I just would want to hear pure honesty from you. I would want to know your fears ,doubts, and hope for the future. No bulls*&t , no clever talk, just the truth.
It has to real now, no more games for everybodys sanity. If she back tracks on this new her, you have to get off the roller coaster.
Puppy, the secret to real intimacy is to be able to stay detached. This actually has a lot to do with the brand of alpha-maleness that Frank-D is trying to get at. (Though, you don't have to stuff or hide your feelings to do so. A real alpha-male can share feelings directly precisely because they are individuated/detached.)
Exactly. That's what it's all about. As David Deida says in 'The way of the superior man', do not become part of her intensity.
Stay With Her Intensity—To a Point When a woman gets emotionally intense, a mediocre man wants to calm her down and discuss it, or leave and come back later when she is "sane." A superior man penetrates her mood with imperturbable love and unwavering consciousness. If she still refuses to live more fully in love, after a time, he lets her go.
Tolerating Her Leads to Resenting Her
Don't Force the Feminine to Make Decisions.
A man abandons responsibility by expecting that his woman will always make her own decisions and then be accountable for the results. This expectation is a withholding of his masculine gift. It puts a woman in the position of magnifying her own masculine. It is good for some women to learn to animate their masculine capacity to make a decision and stick with it. But if a man abnegates his responsibility to provide his woman with the gift of masculine clarity and decisiveness, then she will become chronically sharp, angular, and distrustful of his love. She will cease surrendering in love with him, cease trusting his masculine capacity, and, instead, become her own man. Your woman asks you for input, and you say, "Whatever you want to do is fine with me." This is the statement of a friend, not a lover. As friends, you want to treat each other fairly and give each other space and independence. As lovers, you and your woman are more than just friends. You are playing the full dynamic of masculine and feminine polarity. Wouldn't you like your woman to be a goddess and offer you her feminine gifts? To evoke them, you must offer her your masculine gifts. One of your most valuable gifts is the ability to see all the options and make a decision based on this view of all the potential outcomes.
etc...
Think beyond the box you are in. Men and women are different. Celebrate the difference.
Look into the resources we've sent you, with love. this is NOT about power or control. It's about understanding who we are as men and women.
Don't you want to know that? If you think your W is the 'same' as you and she thinks you are the 'same' as her, well you're both wrong. You are a man, wired by biology to do certain things. As such, she is a woman who is also wired to be a woman.
What we should do, as men and women, is learn about our differences. When I speak of 'alpha male' I'm only seeing your side of things.
She needs a mentor who can help her through her 'women' side of things.
However, I guarantee you that if you start 'manning up' things will change
You know that, you did it before. When you confronted her about her affair and other issues. She totally responded to the man, you.
Puppy, your 'handle' is weak.
It shows the men here that you have chosen to be a 'nice guy'
I want nothing but success for you.
Do a search on 'alpha male' on this web site.
I am going to post to other 'old timers' on this website who 'get' the alpha male concept. I hope they will get on your threads. You are a good man, and deserve our questions
Puppy - For me as a woman , I just would want to hear pure honesty from you. I would want to know your fears ,doubts, and hope for the future. No bulls*&t , no clever talk, just the truth.
It has to real now, no more games for everybodys sanity. If she back tracks on this new her, you have to get off the roller coaster.
I like this, no BS means honesty, leadership, strength. Alpha Male
Frank_D--Sorry, but a good percentage of people--women and men--find this superior male, make-decisions-for-women stuff offensive BS. And no, never have I claimed to speak for all women. But if I had had to depend on men in my life for leadership I'd be a quivering mass of helpless jelly and my daughter would be living in a homeless shelter. If it works for you, then fine. But it is offensive when you denigrate other opinions because you're being an alpha male--particularly women on these boards who have taken no end of crap from their husbands and managed to hold their families together single-handedly. Somewhat reminiscent of my rat terrier marking his territory, actually.
Last edited by hoosiermama; 05/16/0902:44 AM.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I gotta agree with Hoosiermama. That alpha male stuff makes me nauseous. I have a feeling any man who really did it would see skid marks in the driveway.
Ladies, in defense of the alpha male stuff I must say that any self respecting man has the ability to take it and use what applies and not use what does not apply to your life.
The point of it is to teach males to harness that trait within themselves that stops allowing them to be walked on. My advice to those ladies out there who feel it is garbage, try embracing it for what it is meant to be rather than feeling threatened that it will revert us to some form of a planet of the apes society.
It is about standing up for yourself and not being walked on in life. It is not about keeping your woman barefoot, pregnant, and subservient as some believe it is. As with anything else, there is good and bad in it, how about we trust the guys around here reading it to determine what is applicable and what is not.
For some who become doormats, it is great reading,.......
