Perhaps you should BOTH try a little less All or Nothing -- instead try your best to grow a relationship that is good for both of you, with all the risks and potential benefits that entails.
That means no renewal of vows right now. It means no guilt tripping each other into doing the "right thing." It means taking a try and see approach.
And, let her close some of the intimacy/commitment gap sometimes...
Be OK, see what happens today and this weekend. Give her a chance to reach toward you.
