My XH left in 2005. We were divorced in 2007. A few people STILL call and tell me about his R with the OW. These people seem to think I still care. True - it used to bother me to hear that stuff, but now I just smile and change the subject.
The trick is to not give any headroom to these stories. Some people tell you these things for many reasons -- but (no matter what their motive) if they don't get a reaction out of you, they will eventually quit telling you.
You may, on a subconscious level, want to hear these stories because it gives you more inside information about your XH. But the info may not necessarily be true, and none of it is good for you in the long run. It keeps you tied to an unhealthy situation.
As far as your XH keeping the talk going about you, who knows? And in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter?
Renee, if you aren't already doing so, you should start a journal. Write down your anxieties, fears, etc. It's good therapy. Then, in a couple of years, you can go back and read what you wrote and wonder why you gave so much valuable time to a couple of losers.
Last night I read my journal of 2006 and I cannot believe what a jerk my XH was. Most of all, I can't believe that I made myself sick with worry over him and his OW. They're not worth it!
Listen Sweetie, I know this all happened so fast for you. It's hard to get your mind around it. You are just trying to make sense of it. Everyone gets through in their own time.
Everyone here is trying to save you a lot of heartache because we have all been where you are and I know that I wish I had understood it all sooner.
I would go round and round in circles trying to figure out what happened. why he did it, what did I do, is he happy with her. But really, in the end, it doesnt matter why because the result is still the same, he is gone.
So, that being said, try to still the thoughts in your head about why. Try, when you start to think like that, to say,"Stop" and go and do something.
As far as what she writes on myspace, who cares. You are a better person than she is so let her write. And dont think, since you say everyone knows you both, that it isnt getting back to him what you might respond to someone. People love drama and gossip.
So, be the bigger person, the better person, and hold your head high. You have done nothing wrong. They are both running out the mouth to cover their actions. Just let it play out.
There is nothing you could do to change what's happened. But you can change your thinking, your life, your outlook.
So, try for an hour not to think about it, then for two hours. Keep as busy as you can. Read and walk and dance.
Perhaps one day your x will be in your life. Right now, let him blow in the wind.
Come on now. You can do this. One minute at a time.
When my stbxh first left and people would tell me things, I would shock them and say "Oh yes, I knew that." They thought they would get a reaction out of me but I didn't let them.
Is this weekend the birthday party for your nephew?
When my stbxh first left and people would tell me things, I would shock them and say "Oh yes, I knew that." They thought they would get a reaction out of me but I didn't let them.
Is this weekend the birthday party for your nephew?
No, we already had the party. He got rock band for Wii and we have been playing it, its so much fun.
Another thing to remember, Renee, is that an MLCer will act differently from a WAH.
My H was bogged down in confusion and indecision from the beginning. To this day, he still doesn't know what he wants. The mixed messages he has been sending me for years almost drove me crazy and, in the long run, only kept me stuck along with H.
Your XH has acted much more decisively. That's why a lot of people here (including myself) think he is WAH instead of MLC.
There are differences between MLC and WAH but the DB rules (for LBS's) are the same .. GAL, move forward, and live as though your H is never coming back. IF, somewhere down the road, he wants to renew a R with you, that's fine - but don't wait on it to happen. You will have a good life going for you.
You're still new at this and it's common to analyze behavior. It's hard to do but try and start being less concerned about what XH is doing and redirect your thoughts toward making a new improved life for yourself (like BND suggested).
I had to learn this lesson the hard way.
i think my xh is a wah with mlc mixed in. i have tried to find info on wah but all i find is waw,lol
Guys the divorce or gf doesnt hurt near as bad as the NO CONTACT, if he just had a heart to see if we are ok, that, I think, would make me feel alot better. I am just being honest. This is my big obstacle. I just am having a hard time with not speaking to him at all. This man was in my life a long time and I was use to talking with him everyday. It hurts so much not to be able to just have a short converstaion with him. What is wrong with me? I know there are people here that went a long time without any contact at all-pitch black dark, why cant I do this. Why is it so hard.
BND, my son has been on several job interviews and no luck yet. He thought he had one, but didnt work out. He is trying though. I want him to go to college so bad. My nephew is doing fine. It almost summer break here and I wish I had the money to take him to the zoo or something. Hopefully that will happen.
