Somebody needs to tell me not to feel guilty, please..
Don't feel guilty.....
Actually, I would assume you feel some guilt because you DO understand what he is going through to a certain degree. And deep down, you know this needs to happen. You have tried to protect him throughout your marriage, and you see him headed towards a brick wall at 100 mph, and you know you cannot help him.
Essentially ?
You are still a wife and mother, trying to protect those you love. You feel guilty by NOT trying to help him.
Chances are this has nothing to do with the money...
Mostly what Mach said. The little bit of guilt is because I can make it without him financially. I made sure of that. I know that he is struggling financially, but it is due to his own poor choices. I did love the man for many years, and don't want to see him homeless, carless, or whatever. Now, can I support the kids like they are used to without him? No, it's a tight budget. My son's sports are expensive, and stuff like that.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Do not feel one second of guilt. Every penny you save you will need to help pay for your children's college. (Just ran some online calculators for my children and it is scary.) You also don't know how long it will be before you stop getting any child support at all, so I think it is best to just assume you have to support these children on your own. I have seen my ex spiral downhill over the last couple of years, losing his job and taking a much lower paying one, buying a house for his girlfriend in another state, and spending most of his retirement on toys. They are making these choices.
Just yesterday I had to sign up for AT&T Smart Limits on my cell phone so I could block the harrassing txt messages from my ex. Do whatever you need to do protect yourself.
Me45 H45 D13 S10 together-23 years married-21 years MLC Divorced 10/3/07 Married to a wonderful new man.
J brought kids back early, this morning. He had taken them out to his mom's again, but stayed with them this time. He looks like sh*t, and hasn't seen a razor in I don't know how many days.
Kids said they had a good time. He is circling the drain, looking really bad. He comments on how good I look every time he sees me. Seems to bother him. I gave him a hug, and told him we'll see him soon. He looked very sad and down. I wish I could somehow make him a stronger person. Hell, I would give him some of mine if I could. Funny how you now see the dynamics of your relationship played out, but amplified like a million times. I was always the decision maker, leader, in control person. He was always like "whatever baby". Just wanted me to tell him what to do. He honestly does not know how to take care of himself, and I do just fine. If/when I get into another R I definitely can't deal with that type of guy. Seeing someone with so little inner strength is just really sad.
Sucks to not be able to help stop the crash of someone that you loved for a long time. I'm worried.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Good day today. Got back state test scores (big deal as far as my job being secure ; ) ). Got 100% passing reading and 96% passing writing. I'm so relieved, even going through this sh*t this school year that it must not have a my work. I'm really happy. Those are awesome scores for the population that I work with.
Hope everyone had a good weekend.
Last edited by SoConfused; 05/18/0903:23 PM.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
