WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 8

[MrBond]

"Controlling is an issue that I didn't realize until the bomb was a big issue that I have."

Stop beating yourself up about the control thing. ALL WASs say the LBS was "controlling". It's all part of the script. When my own sitch first happened last year, I asked my W if she wanted to go to an exhibit here in town. I told her repeatedly that she didn't have to go, but she said she would and had a great time. Then later that same day, she accused me of "controlling" her and that she had no choice but to go with me. UNREAL!

What you have to realize is that right now SHE is the controller. She's got you jumping through hoops (ipod sitch). I mean, she's a grown woman and yet you still want to be there for her. You can't.

Since your S, all you've been doing is talking about her and how you're going to approach her to go out. The reason you have to detach is that she 'senses' your neediness. Even all your "tactical" talks every day. I mean, what's that about? There are no "tactical" talks. There's just talk. Answer yes or no if you must and that's it. For your own sake you need to do that.

Let me put it this way...when was the last time you were actually YOURSELF when you were around her? You were probably just hanging onto every word she was saying and changing your attitude to fit her mood. There's nothing wrong with that to an extent. But you end up becoming something you're not and letting her control your actions. Which is something she's told you she does not want. She wants YOU to do what you need to do within her boundaries.

There's your 2x4 for the day.

Just hang in there for yourself first. The resentment you felt towards your son is natural. Trust me the anger side is going to be coming up soon.

Just be yourself at the brunch.