confused.....want to do something.....

[song]

I wouldn't call him to discuss it, but I also wouldn't submit anything to his D attorney unless you have had it reviewed by your own attorney.

He has filed for D and he is just doing the steps asked of him from the Lawyer. I guess all this means is that he is filing for D.

It sounds to me like you are using the same L, which is a BIG mistake. Just my own personal opinion, but you don't go into a game with one coach for both teams.

[pearlharbr]

Argh, Orchid, what a crappy start to the day.

Sorry I only have a minute here, but a couple things:

song is right - do NOT use the same lawyer. Get your own. That doesn't mean you're making things easy for him by going along with the process. It means you are putting yourself first and looking out for your best interests. I don't know much at D laws since I'm not married, but I do know in some states it can happen whether you like it or not so best to be fully prepared. The important thing is to learn about the process and get someone who will be fighting strictly for you.

No, do NOT call him! Remember the three day goal?? This is not an emergency. The only reason you should initiate contact in the next few days is a life or death emergency. Trust me on this: you will feel much worse if you call him. Been there, done that, trying to get you off to a better start.

Either focus on learning about D law and finding a good lawyer for you or just try to put it aside until Monday. Yes it will need to be dealt with but you've discovered that nothing is due by Monday so it can wait.

[orchid01]

ok. will sit tight.

I will be getting my own D lawyer. I just thought I could wait until June before I have to get into that. He is not contesting anything and has told both his lawyer and me that he will give me whatever I want. We have only been married for 3.5 years and so there is no alimony to really discuss....but, I will get my own lawyer. I agree I can't go into this with his coach!

[orchid01]

ok. will sit tight.

I will be getting my own D lawyer. I just thought I could wait until June before I have to get into that. He is not contesting anything and has told both his lawyer and me that he will give me whatever I want. We have only been married for 3.5 years and so there is no alimony to really discuss....but, I will get my own lawyer. I agree I can't go into this with his coach!
I am not sure I how long I will be able to make it without calling him......right now 3 days seems VERY long.

[orchid01]

H sent some pics he must have gotten accidentally from one of our friends. I got them today by mail. How much am I supposed to take on in one day? H did not call, he just mailed them to me....I guess I just got them and so, well.......that is it. This is how we will be communicating from now on.

[pearlharbr]

Orchid, honey, remember to breathe! I soooo remember being right where you are and while it sucks so bad, you can get through this.

What were those affirmations you were going to say every day? Now would be a good time! You are a good person. You are a strong person. You will come out of this better than ever, no matter what happens.

Get out of the house and do something fun. Go to the movies and watch the next comedy showing. Or go rent Yes Man and pop it in right now. Turn off/unplug your phone so you won't be tempted.

If you need to talk to someone to just get your mind off things, gmail me. Hey, we're the same age and I'm not working either so I've got plenty of free time!

[orchid01]

I will not call-at least for today. I can't say about tommorrow.

[pearlharbr]

One day at a time.

Did you go for a walk today? I like to walk out my aggression. Put on your headphones and just walk it out. I bop along and sometimes look like a total idiot but it makes me feel better!

[orchid01]

no, did not take a walk. Just too much to deal with today. I went to B & N and walked out, bc looking thru all the self help books made me feel even worse. I am not ready today. I felt strong this morning and now a sort of "numb" is settling in between the bouts of weeping.

I did rent out Yes Man and the Women. I will start that.

I just cannot keep this up for much longer. I need a break.

[judyc]

orchid1,

I am so sorry that all this is happening to you, and you feel so bad. I am new at this too, so I don't know how much help I can offer. Ya know what helps me cope when all else fails? I like watching the Foodnetwork. I find it very relaxing to sit back and just watch other people cook these delicious meals! If you get cable, I recommend watching a few episodes - it may make you feel just a little better...