I am sooo sorry to hear what you are going thru. I can also understand being the "nice guy".
But, I really liked what PearlHarbr said about being "neighborly nice". Hmmmm...that is food for thought and behaviour change!
I don't have anything new to add...but, wanted to let you know that I hear your pain and well....like you said to me, it will get better and clearer with time.
And, I would say if she is not accessible to you, you should not be to her. Does that make sense?
Obviously it's not very realistic to believe you can be 'friends' with somebody who's betrayed your trust. Even if it is your W. On the other side of the coin, it's not possible to be totally indifferent to the Mother of your children. We're not the one's who walked away with our heads up our arse.
I like that term 'neighborly nice'. It really does describe that happy medium you need to be at with W.
Even after 3 and 1/2 years of separation, my ex will still call me out of the blue and use our Son as an excuse to sing her blues to me. She misses that emotional shoulder to cry on. I don't really think she lets the OM into her REAL WORLD, she knows that's F'd up and might scare him away. I think they are both at that.. 'I can't pass gas with him/her around now' stage in their relationship. There's no room for that in a story book romance!
Sorry if this sounds a little crewed, but your basically her old gas bag for now. Don't let that surprise you and don't read to much into it. She simply takes a emotional dump on you and flushes you when she's done. She really can't do that with OM right now because it would ruin the carefree romance part of the story.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Okay PH what movie did that come from??? One of the all time best. And yes I probably blew it too but I am not popping it into the dvd to check LOL!
Lot of good advice!
Thanks Mark... I actually looked for that book at three of the biggest chains and none of them stocked it. So I need to order it.
Crude is good and too funny. Good advice Astimegoeson... you might be on with that one.
Thanks Orchid, but we're going to be better than fine, we'll be good. The emotions play havoc but the mind will tell you that you deserve better and we will find someone else if that is what we want. OR maybe they'll come back and maybe we'll want them or maybe we won't???????? It's going to be good. BUT I do appreciate the friendly support, more than you know
and yes MSM... it would appear we have a quarem (sp???? wheres SoCon when you need her)
so weekend was good. Went to an outdoor concert with friends on Friday. That was fun. Met up with some other people. It's good to hang out with friends.
Sat was suppose to be daughters event. Picked her up some flowers. Wife was suppose to also but didn't have time (hmm?) Then wife suggested we drive there together and I agreed. The drive there was fun, casual, laughed a lot.... I know PH and you are right
We took daughter into even to get ready and wife and I went back to the car for a refresment. So then Uncle and Aunt showed up so we all go in. Everything kind of normal up to this point. We go to sit down and I let them all in front of me so I wouldn't end up sitting next to wife. A little irriatation came from that.... but then during intermission the aunt walks between us on the way to the bathroom. She point to the wife and say, "she looks so good, doesn't she, I mean wow she looks good" and she walks off....... I start laughing out loud and really loud.
This aunt has always been an &^&& but wife turns around and asks me what is so funny. I said nothing. She said come on what. So I told her what aunt said and follow up with "what an assanine thing to say to me, WTF??" The mood chills considerably from that point LOL! Just lucky I bit my tounge on the thought "she acts like I'm the one that left you...idiot"
So on the way back my daughter is all over her about why I wasn't invited to the cook out on Sunday, am I staying over, can she go to my house to spend the night.... argh!
No more of these deals....
Then I went to the bar with neighbors and had a blast. Met some people and had fun.
Great long weekend, Friday went over to neighbors and played cards. Kept daughter up was too late but she loved it. I am sure everyone was looking at me and thinking "Dad of the Year" material.
Saturday went up to a friend on the lake. We hit the lake beach, cooked out, went out tubing, and hung out on their deck until wee hours of the night and ended up spending the night,
Sunday hit the park and now daughter has a buddy over playing. We are going to hit the "Night at the Museum" and take her friend. Should be fun.
Haven't seen or talked to my wife all weekend....things are good!
Sounds like a very fun & active weekend. Good for you!! So you & your D are becoming quite the night owls!! Good luck tomorrow night & Tuesday morning!!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
