I don't feel that SHE is a beast; I feel that her sense of ENTITLEMENT is. It is a flawed part of her character that can either be improved upon with introspection and hard work (and counseling) on her part, or it can be kept status quo, or -- worse -- it can be "fed" by others (like me) and made worse.
You don't give an alcoholic more to drink, and you don't keep asking the gambling addict if he wants to go play the slots.
I do have compassion for her -- to a point. I have it when she is vulnerable, and shares her fears and feelings with me, and her self-knowledge of the things she KNOWS she needs to work at. But then when she doesn't do it, and pulls away yet again, it makes me angry, and sad, and disillusioned, and I want to give up.
She is not a "bit" messed up, DQ, she's a lot messed up. The NPD is real, and our long-term marital problems are real. I'm getting tired of her yanking my heart back every time I've successfully detached, and then doing nothing with it. Do you know many people on these boards NEVER successfully detach, emotionally? They try and they try, and they just can't do it. I've done it four, five, six times! And each time, I let myself get sucked right back in, only to get my heart squashed again. I'm not saying that's happened yet, but I can SEE it happening again, and I don't know what to do about it.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.
