Is the institution defunct?

[LolaL]

My H had a problem with impotency. It was not an every day problem, and he had it when I met him. I didn't care. I loved him, I married him, and when the sex was good, it was very good. And at the end, all of a sudden, he told me he never enjoyed it because he was always concerned about whether or not he could perform.

But that didn't stop him from "performing" with someone else.

I would have loved him, and stayed with him, regardless of whether or not we could ML. For me, the marriage and my life with him was a commitment that I chose. He also told me he did not think humans were meant to be monogamous (warning flag...one that I lovingly turned a blind eye to). That may be true, but I believe monogamy is a choice.

Divorce is so easy now, so socially acceptable. Gone are the days where people fought for each other. Now, spend a little money, and you can be rid of the spouse. You can become a Disney parent while pursuing other men/women, and instant gratification. If that R doesn't work, you dump them and on to the next.

I feel sorry for these people, because there is no lasting commitment. There is no stamina in fighting to be in love with the person you vowed to spend your life with. Did I question at times whether or not I loved my H? Sure. Especially when he was working nights and we didn't see each other that much. I could have very easily had an affair.

But I made a commitment to be there for him, NO MATTER WHAT. He is the one who broke that commitment. I have to live with the repercussions, as all of us do. They have just moved on, and although many of us try very hard, there is not much we can do.

Commitment, to me, comes from the heart. A piece of paper does not make one committed anymore. I was a WAS previously. But I tried first. My XH and I tried counseling, individual, marital, everything. And in the end, we parted, and although we don't always agree, have stayed friends for the sake of our child. My H did not even try. He just washed his hands one night, said that is that, and moved on.

I don't think there are soul mates either, and movies and television have put this picture perfect image in our heads of what marriage should be. When that doesn't work, media has instilled in us it is okay to walk away from our families, and that everyone will be much happier. And maybe we will. But first, many of us have to heal from the fallout.