I was supposed to get divorced tomorrow...!

[1853dave]

Hi Jag,

That's how I see it - I'm their father, and I jump at the chance to have them with me. As for the key issue, if she offers it, fine. If not, I do plan to just drop the subject. She's probably going to worry about it all day. When we meet later, I won't even mention it. We can address this another day - not right before W and D9 depart for a girl scout camping weekend.

FB2, your points are taken. I know that for most of us the chances of the outcome we desire is low. But, we will all try anyway.

It is pretty well known that with WAS - specifically those going thru a MLC, they typically call all of the shots. I've been doing my best to not be adversarial, and I believe I have been successful. I know she sees (and likes) the changes in our communication, and she feels more open to contact me. She has mades some offers to me in the past re the kids - extra time with them, or time on days that I wouldn't normally see them. She does "remember" to have them call me if it is a day I don't see them.

I have already spent many many thousands on attorneys...and look where it got us...

The D was set for Feb, but during mediation I was able to convince the W to take a 2nd look at things, and hold off on the D. She was open to attempting reconciliation. The D was postponed until October. So, there is definitely a time limit here....something has to happen between now and then.

I don't know if the W wants to stay married to me. Right now, I'd say no. But, people can change their minds. I have been DBing, seeing some good results, but I am not done yet. I know for a fact that she sees and likes the changes. It might be too little, too late...but maybe not.

We talked of going to the counselor to hammer out a parenting plan, and seeing the mediator again to review the finances (the mediator says there's not enough money for two households...duh!) - this cannot possibly work out well for either of us. But, she still doesn't see it. Perhaps after we see the mediator, the reality might start to sink in.

The W has not been displaced in the least. Same condo, same furniture, same everything - just without me. I still give her a court ordered check every month. She was told by the court to seek employment for additional money, but she still hasn't.

So, as things evolve, I think it might be time to make some tangible changes. For one, start removing some of my stuff (furniture, TV, Stereo...) from the condo. Most of it was mine before we married anyway. She "says" it is ok for me to get my stuff. When she no longer has a TV to watch while on the treadmill, or only 1/3rd of the dishes, or half of the towels, and only some of the furniture....things might start to look different. That, and the mediator likely telling us we will need to sell the condo...that will hit her hard. She thinks I will just walk away from the condo, and leave it all for her (HA!). Her atty wants me to sign a quitclaim deed.... I think I'll just hand over my head on a platter, too.

I've been advised by my DB counselor (as well as a chaplain, who has counseled many couples, and is also knowledgable in DB) to stay the course. I plan to do that, as well as I can.

I'm just trying to do my best for me and the kids... but also with the hope that W starts to question her decision...