So I finally heard from stbxh for what???? Because (drum roll) he needed something.
I btiched him out. It may not have been the most eloquent manner in which I could have handled it, but it felt good anyway. Then I sent him an email requesting that he no longer contact me. I can't handle talking to him.
You know, I thought I was really getting over this, and I realize that my heart is still breaking. I loved this stupid German so much, and he just stomped all over me. I told him after the way he treated me when K died, he had a hell of a lot of nerve contacting me for anything. I yelled at him, cried, and he told me I was bipolar. And I though how dare you? I have given this almost two years of my life, trying to resolve issues, make changes, give him his space, and he has the nerve to say I am unbalanced? I felt like saying you want to see unbalanced bud???? But I didn't.
Yesterday I did send the email telling him I couldn't talk to him anymore, I couldn't help him anymore, and I would appreciate it if he would just file the Motion to the BK court that I sent so that I could file the divorce (I figure he can pay the filing fee for the motion since I am currently unemployed). I told him not to contact me anymore because I had been hurt enough and I deserved better.
It was like taking a little piece of me back again, and yet it hurts. I cannot figure out why some people seem to think others are just dispensable. _________________________
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
So I finally heard from stbxh for what???? Because (drum roll) he needed something.
I btiched him out. It may not have been the most eloquent manner in which I could have handled it, but it felt good anyway. Then I sent him an email requesting that he no longer contact me. I can't handle talking to him.
You know, I thought I was really getting over this, and I realize that my heart is still breaking. I loved this stupid German so much, and he just stomped all over me. I told him after the way he treated me when K died, he had a hell of a lot of nerve contacting me for anything. I yelled at him, cried, and he told me I was bipolar. And I though how dare you? I have given this almost two years of my life, trying to resolve issues, make changes, give him his space, and he has the nerve to say I am unbalanced? I felt like saying you want to see unbalanced bud???? But I didn't.
Yesterday I did send the email telling him I couldn't talk to him anymore, I couldn't help him anymore, and I would appreciate it if he would just file the Motion to the BK court that I sent so that I could file the divorce (I figure he can pay the filing fee for the motion since I am currently unemployed). I told him not to contact me anymore because I had been hurt enough and I deserved better.
It was like taking a little piece of me back again, and yet it hurts. I cannot figure out why some people seem to think others are just dispensable. _________________________
Good for you! I think you will find that action will pay dividends in more ways than one!
Thanks BH...you know though, I just want to heal. I love him, there is no doubt of that. But he has hurt me in so many ways, and after a month of not hearing from him, not getting any comfort when my brother died, I was angry that he had the audacity to contact me because he needed something. No more! He wanted this and now he is going to have to stand on his own two feet.
I refuse to be a wife of convenience anymore.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I feel like my entire life is falling apart, and I cannot stop it.
The job market here is so bad that I cannot find any job. I have even tried to apply for positions at Target, Kmart, Dish network, and apparently I am overqualified. I cannot get through to the Texas workforce commission to file for unemployment because {gasp} the phones are always busy. I went down to their office, only to discover that they don't do that at the office, you have to do it online (for which I need to get through to reset my password), so basically I have to wait until they answer the damned line.
I miss my brother. He and I had a bond that we shared through our entire lives. Our childhood was tough, with losing our mother at a young age and then living with an abusive stepmother for many years. That brought us closer together. I love my other brothers, don't get me wrong. But K and I were the only two children from my father's marriage to our mother, and now I feel with my mother and brother gone, I am alone. My brothers are married and have their lives. My father is married.
Which brings me to stbxh. I miss him. Not who he is, but who he was. And yet I question whether or not he ever really loved me. How do you just up and walk away from someone when five minutes before you were telling them you love them?
This last six weeks has left me feeling shattered and broken. I feel so alone. I wish there was someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me everything will be okay.
But I keep thinking soon, this will be better. I will be back on the east coast, near my family, and won't feel so alone. If I need to cry, there will be someone there to give me a hug and tell me everything will be okay.
And yet tonight, I miss my stbxh so much. I don't want to anymore. I have told him not to call me because it is too hard to talk to him. Thankfully, he hasn't. But he also still has not filed the Motion we need from the Bankruptcy court to file the divorce. That in itself is very frustrating to me, because this is all he wanted for the last 20 months, and now that I have agreed to do it, he is dragging his heels. It would not be a problem if I had a job so I could pay the filing fee. But I have to rely on him, and I know he won't file it because he won't want to spend the money.
I feel lonely and empty.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Hugs are always good. Sometimes it helps just to know someone understands.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Lola hang in there I have felt the same way at times it passes and affirmations have helped me a great deal greater things are in store for you peace (((((Hugs))))
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
You have been thru so much lately. Just doesn't seem right for one person to have to deal with everything at once. Things will get better, hang in there.
