Mark, I see that you are racing. You are racing so fast, you cannot see the road ahead of you. You would like everything to happen yesterday but you tell me that your first W left you for the same reason that your current W's. So that begs the question, don't you think that there is room for improvement in yourself?
That was the FIRST question I asked myself. Of course, I desperately wanted my H back but you know what, the R would be the same because neither of us would be different or do things differently. Now, I know it is awfully tempting to listen to posters and try the techniques they are posting because you want her back.
All I can say is slow down. slow down. Learn about yourself. Be the best man you can be, only then do you have something different to offer to your M. Because if you don't change for the better, the same patterns will appear and you will be in the same place a year or two down the road. No use getting her back now if you don't see, can't see, won't confront your own problems and issues!
Don't look at this as a crisis. It's an opportunity for you to improve yourself, change your life. You've taken the first step, you are becoming an engaged parent. Now, look around you, I am sure we, none of us here is perfect, there is no such thing. What else can you do to improve your life, yourself?
I am not saying that jealousy won't work. All I am saying is, you are skipping steps to go to the final goal.
But each step is important.
KNOW what you are doing. Be MINDFUL. Think. If I get her back but neither of us has changed, we would be in the same boat as before. It's madness to expect different results when you are doing exactly the same things.
So change for the better. Continue to improve yourself for YOU, not to IMPRESS her. Why do you have such low opinion of yourself? Why is her opinion of you the ultimate? Everyone needs external validation AND internal validation. But you place all your self-esteem in HER hands, that's madness. It's too much pressure for her and it's NOT healthy for you.
Take back your SELF. Impress yourself.
What impresses you, Mark, in a fellow human being? Think it, write it down and set THAT as a goal. It shouldn't just be 'How do I get my W back?'
E.g. I want to be a great mom, I want to have worthwhile work/career even if it doesn't make me rich. I want to help my fellow human beings in some way and contribute to society. I want to have CLOSE relationships throughout my life with my friends and family. I want to teach peace, compassion and integrity. I want to live a happy life.
What are your goals? I'd like to hear them.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
