Both posts above are excellent. That is the key song. Detaching and letting go is NOT giving up and it is NOT quitting. You are removing yourself from the pain of the moment and also allowing yourself to regroup..rethink....grow and 'return to fight another day' with a better, faster , stronger song.

Once you realize and accept that you are trying to nudge the Queen Mary 2 out of harbor with a radio controlled boat, you will completely let go and drop the rope. Even tho' I was unable to reconcile my marriage (there were darker issues on her half that were, IMO, fatal from the get go), I saw the most positive changes from her after I filed and starting doing things with the kids without her. Six months after filing, my W told me that she thought she didn't want a divorce.

I won't tell you what to do, but, if you continue to put yourself into situations where your W treats you like '$hil', your boys are going to be hurt by this. IMO...in your own words...you should let her know that you are available but moving on and start to live your life independently.

The best example I saw of this was a man who was entering a limbo phase with his wife for the second time in his life. He recognized it early and wrote her a letter:
Quote:

I realize that we have some difficulties in our relationship and I am desirous to work on these with you because I love you. If you return to the marriage I promise that I will give 100% of my energy to work on this with you and stay committed and dedicated to our marriage forever. If you cannot do this, I will not let my spirit be destroyed by etc.


Again...not saying to file, etc. I am just saying that...if you are going to stand....you need to pull back and let go and let G-d and her inner self bring her back. Anything less is pursuit.

FIB

Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;