Honestly, it isn't fear. At least, not fear for me. He is the one who will ultimately have to face what he has lost.
I have actually been good the past 3 days. Don't know why, what is different. But I have been thinking about what it will be like to have someone (new) love me, want me, treat me special, etc etc. I don't know when that will happen, I am in no big hurry, but when it does happen, it will be great!
I am reading a book I bought when we first separated a year ago, but which I put away when H came back last summer. It is about using the time you are apart to figure out who YOU are, what you really want in life, etc etc. The idea is to make sure that if/when your spouse comes back, you don't get together too soon, accept things that aren't lined up with your true nature, etc.
I am not reading it in hopes that we will get back together. I am reading it b/c I want to re-discover my core values, goals, needs. Being a part of a couple for so long, where I did so much of the 'giving', I have not thought about what I want in a long time.
For example, when I think of hobbies I think of cows and golf. But that is b/c that is what Dan and I have always done together. Do I really like those things, or like them b/c he does? Hope that makes sense...I just want to start figuring out what I want for my life, and start making it happen. Even as simple as what furniture I buy for my bedroom, making sure I get what I want, not what I think he would like...
